


tell me we'll never get used to it.

by gutterson



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canonical Character Death, Embedded Images, Enemies to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kylo Ren Loves His Mom, M/M, Major Character Injury, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-08 10:43:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13456569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutterson/pseuds/gutterson
Summary: Kylo may not have recognized his co-star's voice, but he sure as shit remembers that this Armitage Hux guy was the best one night stand he's ever had in his life.





	tell me we'll never get used to it.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spacewitchqueen (vixy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vixy/gifts).



> I sort of combined two prompts together to make a monster.  
> Prompt 01:  
> Hux and Kylo are famous actors who dislike each other, mainly because tabloids run stories about what they did or supposedly said about each other. They don’t know each other yet but they are not looking forward to that... and now they have to work together in a new film.  
> Prompt 03:  
> Hux had a hot one-night stand. He bumps into the guy the next day at work, it turns out they are going to be working together. That shouldn’t be a problem, the only thing on Hux’s mind is how to ask for a second night?
> 
> I really hope you like it!

_Everything about_ _Kylo_ _Ren's life is a mystery. From his childhood, to his relationship status, nobody really knows what lurks underneath that bad boy exterior. If walls could talk, this reporter would pay_ _handsomely_ _for a few minutes with just ONE of those beautiful exposed brick walls that we've gotten glimpses of in his friend, and famous musician, Poe_ _Dameron's_ _Instagram_ _feed. Nothing makes a bad boy_ _badder_ _than a secret! And this latest is going to be hot, hot, hot. Everybody knows that_ _Kylo_ _Ren crashed his motorcycle last year, and everyone has been sitting with bated breath to hear just a whisper about how he's doing. With the_ _announcement_ _that the hunky action star will be returning to the big screen, everyone has the same question burning on the tip of their tongue. Is our handsome bad boy still handsome?_  

"Do they not even care that you almost died?" Rey asks, glaring at the magazine she'd just been reading from. Kylo honestly didn't think he could hate tabloids more, until that moment. He's never liked it, never liked attention that he wasn't able to prepare for. For the first time, though, he actually feels sick to his stomach. Because he _knows_ that they don't care, not really. He knows how it works. As soon as the new outlets got word that he'd been in an accident, they'd whipped up an In Memorium to have ready at the second of pronounced death. Real classy shit. 

" _You_ didn't even care that I almost died." Kylo says, running the cold side of his beer bottle across his forehead. It's not hot in here, but his face tends to flush when he gets angry. Kylo turns a little on the couch so he can watch Rey out of the corner of his eye, to see the emotions play across her face. She's laying in the middle of their living room floor on her stomach, legs kicking in the air behind her while she reads the trashy magazine she'd found with Kylo's face on it.  Kylo still doesn't know how he feels about her living here, but sometimes he does feel happy, watching her be care-free. 

"I'm your sister and I hate you, I'm supposed to hope you die." Rey eventually snides, blowing a bubble with her nicotine gum, which Kylo finds disgusting. "These people claim to love you, but they're just, like, I don't even know." 

"Trust me Rainbow, I know." he grumbles, taking a long sip from his bottle and pretending it doesn't still hurt to move the muscles in his throat. 

Kylo has always hated fame. He'd tried to avoid it as long as he could, but some shitty movie he'd made became a hit to the surprise of everyone, especially the writer, and he'd been stuck. He enjoyed the pick-up in jobs for a while, the better roles. He didn't much like how the directors kept asking him to take his shirt off in scenes that made no sense, or the way people suddenly decided they had claim to a part of him. He'd hired the best lawyer to try and figure out some way to make it illegal to use his name or image without his permission. The best they got is that only images approved by his agent could be published. Paparazzi soon learned that their images would never be approved, and were useless to tabloids, so they stopped bugging him. They can't do anything about promotional images or photoshoots being used at whim, and they can't stop people from writing shit about him whenever they want. Kylo had, for the tiniest moment, almost been relieved when they'd told him he'd scar. A cruel part of him hoping that if he was no longer a _handsome bad boy_ , people might just let him do his job and leave him be. 

"You could always like, not go back to acting." Rey says. She's trying to be sneaky about reaching for the half empty bottle of warm beer Kylo had forgotten on the coffee table.  

"Nothing these animals can say will be worse to hear than dad saying _'I told you so, kid_.' Besides, I like the acting." Kylo reaches out with his foot and pulls the bottle out of her reach, just to see her pout. Maybe a _little_ because if his mom found out he'd given his nineteen year old sister beer, she'd be disappointed. Kylo hates it when his mom is disappointed. 

"At least I agree with you there. You know he still won't shut up about how Nascar would be good work, and I should settle for that?" she rolls her eyes like that's the stupidest thing she's ever heard. 

"He probably just thinks Nascar is safer than Formula One," Kylo shrugs. "and more American." 

"No matter how hard dad tries I will never be American." Rey says with a sniff, faking an accent she'd never had. She'd been adopted at five months old, so she didn't even remember England. She loved to be stubborn, though. 

Kylo watches her furrow her brows at the article for another minute or two before he just leans back on his couch. He stares at the cluster of family photos on his wall and downs the rest of his beer in one swallow. If he's gonna be in a bad mood, he might as well do it drunk. 

  

 

Kylo tracks Dr. Årud's finger with his eyes, trying his best not to squint at the harsh fluorescent lights as they sting his eyes.  

"You think you're ready for a movie set, huh?" the doctor asks, peering into Kylo's face with a kind of scrutiny that made him uncomfortable. 

"It's a romantic drama. Unless my costar headbutts me during a kiss, I think I'll be fine." Kylo lies, flinching a little when Årud prods at the scar tissue that cuts across the right side of his face. Kylo tells everyone that he doesn't have any pain anymore. The says that the scars are healed, his face is fine, he can move his facial muscles the same as always. He knows better than to lie Dr. Årud though, seeing as he's the one who rebuilt Kylo's face in the first place. Rey thinks it's extremely cool that his cheek bone and part of his jaw are metal, but Kylo still can't get used to it. The way it grinds when he opens his mouth, the way he can't shift his jaw from right to left anymore. He can't breathe through his right nostril anymore either, because the way his bones had collapsed ruined that for him. He can't tilt his head back all the way, because of the damage to his neck and shoulder, which ruined his tendons. And of course, there is the whole mostly blind in his right eye thing, which nobody but Dr. Årud even knows about. No matter how badly Kylo wants to, he'll never be in an action movie again. He'd be too much of a liability, with his weird coordination and limited neck and face movements. It's almost funny to Kylo, how after all the tabloids making such a fuss over how cool he was for doing his own stunts, and it's a puppy in the road that almost killed him. Well, technically it was the fact that he wasn't wearing a helmet when his face met the ground at ninety miles an hour after he toppled his Harley trying to swerve around the little shit. 

"Mr. Ren, I'm going to be honest with you." Dr. Årud says, prying Kylo's eyelid down with his thumb. "I don't think you are ready for acting. The last surgery has barley been healed, and you still have a while to go with physical therapy." 

"I'm fine." Kylo insists, blinking rapidly to try and make his eye stop stinging after the doctor lets go of his eyelid. 

"Say my name." Dr. Årud says, tapping the ID badge pinned to his chest.  

"Årud Djørodd." Kylo says, feigning confidence. He knows how to say it, perfectly. He just can't. What comes out of his mouth is stunted, his mouth refusing to form anything but the most familiar shapes. The scar tissue and tendon damage make the right side of his mouth droop when he tries to purse his lips. 

Dr. Årud just looks at him, with a strange mixture of sympathy and annoyance. It only serves to make Kylo angry. 

  

\-- 

  

The casting director smiles at him when he steps into the room, like he's never been happier to see anyone than he is to see Kylo in that moment. He'd lied to them when he said his doctor gave him the clear to be in this movie. He'd lied when he said he wanted to be in this movie. Lied when he said he wanted to take a break from action, to pursue a less intense role in the wake of his accident. He's lied so much to these people that he's not even sure they know anything about him at all. The only reason he took this role is because it's the only one he could get, and he wasn't about to sit around in his house and not do _anything_. So, this job is the job he got, even if he hates it. 

"Mr. Ren, so nice to see you. You're looking very energized." the casting director says. Kylo thinks his name might be Michael, but he really has no idea. 

"Thank you, I'm looking forward to today." Kylo lies. The only reason he looks energized is because he popped one of his last Hyrocodone tablets with his morning coffee, so he can smile at these people without it hurting his face. 

"As are we all. Everyone was thrilled with the read you did with the love interest, just wonderful." the guy is talking still, steering Kylo to stand in front of the table that the other guys sit behind, staring at him with smiles on their face. "We have no doubt you two will be extraordinary together, just incredible. Today, of course, you'll be reading with the man playing the bad guy." 

"Donovan, yeah." Kylo says, cutting in only because he thinks if he doesn't, the guy will just keep saying useless shit. 

"Oh, ah no." the guy says, looking overly mournful, and Kylo thinks he's about to be told Donovan died tragically. "Donovan just couldn't get the accent down, so we had to replace him."  

"With?" Kylo asks, thinking that is the most bullshit excuse for firing somebody he has ever heard. He'd seen Donovan Mahl's movies, the guy was good. Why he even had to use an accent besides his own was beyond Kylo. 

"Well, we went with a British actor. Real up and comer in London, this is his first American role. Real break out stuff for the two of you, I think it's going to be just perfect." the guy says, smiling again. Kylo wonders if he's the only one who took a controlled substance with his coffee this morning, or if this guy is a sociopath who hasn't quite learned how to portray human emotions without being creepy. 

"That's nice. Does he have a name?" Kylo asks, glowering at the man as best he can with only one functioning eyebrow. Wondering to himself how a British guy was somehow better at doing a New York accent than a guy from the Midwest. 

"Oh, of course," the man says, looking over Kylo's shoulder as the door clicks open again. "and here he is now!" 

"Sorry I'm late, gentlemen." the newcomer says as Kylo is turning to look at him. The door places him on Kylo's right, so it takes him a second to get the figure in focus. 

"Fuck." Kylo says, perhaps a little too loud. He doesn't recognize the guys voice, and doesn't remember his name, but there is no mistaking that face. A face he last saw from on his knees in a seedy London pub, back when he'd still had his whole face. 

"Oh." the man says, looking at Kylo. Specifically looking somewhere in the vicinity of Kylo's left ear, if he's not mistaken. 

"Ah, Kylo Ren, meet Armie Hux." the possible sociopathic casting director says, pushing Kylo towards Hux like he expects them to embrace. 

Kylo may not have recognized his co-star's voice, but he sure as shit remembers that this Armie Hux guy was the best one night stand he's ever had in his life. 

  

\-- 

  

Rey laughs at him, and Kylo smothers his face into his couch cushions. 

"But he for sure remembers you, right?" Rey asks, kicking Kylo in the legs as she pounds her feet with glee. 

"Yes, since he cornered me after the reading and told me he wasn't going to let it get in the way of his career, or some shit. What a fucking asshole." Kylo grumbles. 

"Holy shit, bro, look at this." Rey gasps. 

Before Kylo can respond she drapes herself across his back, shoving her phone in his face. It takes Kylo a second to figure out what he's looking at, before the picture of Armie Hux catches his attention. A gossip site, of course, one of Kylo's least favorite. 

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux, son of the_ _four-time_ _Oscar winner_ _Brendol_ _Hux, is in hot waters after being fired from his latest production. The late great_ _Brendol_ _must be so_ _disappointed_ _looking down at his son as the B-List actor loses what was probably_ _his_ _best shot at reaching the level of success as his father. S_ _ources_ _say that_ _Armie_ _was fired after_ _an_ _anonymous PA caught him doing cocaine in his trailer. Nobody was surprised to find out the actor does drugs, but even the most_ _sucessful_ _men know not to do a line where everyone can see!_ _Armi_ _e's_ _agent refused to comment, and we've been unable to reach the man himself. What we do know, though, is that countless casting directors have already turned Hux the junior down for jobs that would usually be right in his wheel house._  

Kylo tugs the phone out of Rey's hands, ignores her annoyed protests. He holds his arm up above his head and tries his best not to laugh at the way she tries to stretch up and grab it. He clicks on Armie's name, taking him to all of the articles that have been written about him on this website. He stands up to move the phone further out of his sister's reach, ignoring her as she jumps on his back, trying to snatch it back from him in vain. 

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux denies rumors of drug use._  

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux seen with a mystery man in downtown London._  

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux wins his case to shut down the biopic planned about his father._  

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux donates over half of his last paycheck to the World Wildlife Federation._  

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux finally joins social media, but the_ _captionless_ _images of his cat just have fans scratching their heads._  

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux nude! Possible Grindr images of the star's package leaked!_  

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux losing weight? Before and after images of the possible coke user._  

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux wins defamation case against The Sun._  

 _Armi_ _e_ _Hux cast in romantic drama alongside_ _Kylo_ _Ren, no word on whether the two will play lovers._  

Kylo sits back down on the couch, affectively crushing Rey where she was still hanging from his shoulders. He passes the phone back to her, making a note to dig his own out from wherever it probably is under his bed and see if he can parse out what the hell any of that shit means. 

  

\-- 

  

 **Outgoing 12:30AM** : sorry 4 not returning calls. busy 

 **Mom 12:31AM** : Your sister told us about the new job. Congratulations. Wish you would visit. 

 **Outgoing 12:32AM** : y r u still awake? u should b resting 

 **Mom 12:32AM** : You're not the only one who is busy. Running for re-election, in case you forgot. Still at the office. 

 **Outgoing 12:33AM** : u cnt get elected if u fall asleep @ debates 

 **Mom 12:34AM** : Still wish you would come visit. 

 **Outgoing 12:35AM** : u cud always com here u kno. y is it always on me? 

 **Mom 12:35AM** : Fair enough. Have you spoken to your father? 

 **Outgoing 12:36AM** : no y? 

 **Mom 12:36AM** : Because he's your father and he would like to know how you are. You're still our baby and we worry. 

 **Outgoing 12:37AM** : not a baby nothing 2 worry about 

 **Mom !2:38AM** : You will always be our baby, dear. We have plenty of reason to worry when you don't update us on your health, when we have to find out everything from your little sister. 

 **Outgoing 12:40AM** : i kno. im trying. rey is helping 

 **Mom 12:40AM** : Please call your father, he misses you as much as I do.  

 **Outgoing 12:41AM** : ok  

 **Mom 12:41AM** : I love you, son. 

 **Outgoing 12:45AM** : ditto 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo doesn't know what he was expecting, but the look of disdain on Hux's face takes him by surprise. 

"Good morning." Kylo grunts, walking passed him to sit in his own makeup chair. It's his first day on set, but he knows that some of the other actors have already been working for a few days now. He's not sure why he's currently sharing the trailer with Hux, and not the guy who will play his love interest. The makeup artist tries to hide it, but he can tell she's not looking forward to working on his face. He knows how she feels, really. He knows that the makeup brushes are going to feel like sandpaper against his scarred skin. 

"I hope you don't mind that I googled you, the other night. I like to get a feel for who I'm working with." Hux says, staring at his own face in the mirror with a pinched look.  

"I'd say we've already gotten a pretty good feel of each other, wouldn't you?" Kylo smirks, pleased to see a brief look of fury flash through Hux's eyes. 

"Are you aware that the first result for your name is a mugshot." Hux says, not phrasing it like it's actually a question. 

"I'm aware, seeing as I sued about five different people over it leaking." Kylo says, grumbling angrily. 

"Ah, so you've always been a delinquent, then." Hux says, sniffing haughtily. 

Kylo is about to say something in response when his PA, Mitaka, steps into the trailer and clears his throat to get his attention. Kylo just raises his eyebrows, and the guy waves the phone he has around. Kylo shakes his head, but the guy just thrusts the phone in front of his face. Kylo sees that it's his own phone, and feels like an idiot for forgetting he'd given it to Mitaka keep track of. Kylo growls a little bit when he sees that the call is from Rey. 

"Speaker." the makeup artist quips at him when he takes the phone out of the PA's hand. 

"Excuse me?" Kylo asks, scowling up at her. 

"You can't press that against your face while I'm working, you have so put it on speaker." she says, making her point but brushing some makeup onto Kylo's ear. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Kylo grumbles, tapping the speakerphone symbol and tossing the phone onto the counter in front of him. He can hear the faint sound of a guitar being played in the background, and his sister laughing quietly.  

"Maybe he's already murdered his co-star, landed himself in jail." a voice says in the background. Kylo recognizes Poe Dameron, furrows his brow in frustration. Rey had been asleep in her bedroom when he'd left this morning. It's not very likely that she got up and went to Poe's shitty little studio apartment for no reason, so Kylo can only assume that Poe showed up at their place with his guitar and his curls like he'd been invited. 

"Let him know that I was going to snap and commit murder, he'd be the first to go." Kylo says, which earns him a laugh from Rey. 

"There you are! I've been on hold for ages." Rey says. Kylo can hear the smile in her voice, can't help but smile a little along with her. Rey has been struggling to find happiness for a while now. Kylo knows it's because she doesn't want to disappoint their dad, doesn't really know what her dreams in life are, doesn't even know if she wants to go to college or not. Kylo doesn't know how to help with any of that, either. She talks to him sometimes and he feels like the most useless big brother on the planet. So anytime his little sister can find joy, it makes Kylo worry about her a little bit less. 

"I'm getting my makeup done." Kylo tells her, listening as Poe starts to sing loudly in the background. Now that he's paying attention, Poe sounds drunk. Seeing as it's only six in the morning, he assumes that it's left over from the night before. 

"Oh, okay. Are you okay? Like, does it hurt?" Rey asks, whispering like she's trying to not be overheard. Kylo wants to slap himself for not telling her she was on speakerphone.  

"I'm fine." Kylo says, clenching his jaw. He can see Hux looking at him from the corner of his eye, and he begins to weigh the pros and cons of just hanging up on his sister. 

"Alright, good. Anyway, I need a favor." Rey says. The sound of Poe playing his guitar starts to fade into the background, and then Kylo hears a crashing sound, like Poe had tried to wander off and had fallen over. 

"I'm a little busy, Rainbow." Kylo says. 

"Oh, no, I know. I just need you to call some people, drop your name for me." Rey says, trying to make it sound as casual as she can. Which is why Kylo knows it's anything but. 

"Any reason you can't do that yourself?" Kylo asks. He hisses through his teeth a bit as the makeup artist starts to dab something directly over the worst of his scarring. She pauses for a second, but Kylo plays it off like he'd just been reacting to his sister, and not the pain. 

"Telling people that I know you is less impressive than you calling them yourself and telling them how wonderful I am." Rey says. Poe's voice picks back up in the background, but he's just yelling now, something about how we wishes he knew how to make crepes.  

"You want me to lie to people?" Kylo asks, clenching his jaw against the pain of the makeup sponge pulling at the scar tissue that makes up half of his face. He tells himself that it'll all be fine, as long as he doesn't let his eyes water. 

"Don't be an asshole, Kylie." Rey says. "Look, this could be a big deal for me. Worst case scenario they don't care about you and I don't get the job, best case scenario I get the job and you get to feel good about doing something nice. You know that this industry is all about who you know. I know you!" 

"What job even is this?" Kylo sighs. Hux has turned in his chair completely now, looking at Kylo in amusement. Hux's makeup is done already, so Kylo can only assume he'd been on set disgusting early. 

"Stunt driver." Rey says. 

"Absolutely not." Kylo says, before she can even continue. 

"What? Why not?" Rey asks, her voice a little drowned out over the sound of Poe coming back over and asking her if she knows how to make Eggos, sounding like he might cry if she doesn't tell him how to put pieces of frozen bread in the toaster. 

"Too dangerous, for one. Mom would kill me, for two." Kylo tells her. Kylo gestures to Mitaka, who's still standing right behind him.  

"Yes?" the man asks, leaning down so he's speaking almost directly into Kylo's ear. 

"Hang up on my sister for me, and don't answer if she calls back." Kylo tells the PA, who looks suddenly frightened. 

"What? Hey, no! You can't just," Rey's rant is cut off as Mitaka picks up the phone and ends the call. He nods to Kylo before scurrying out of the trailer. 

It hits Kylo then, suddenly, that his PA is afraid of him. He's not sure how to feel about that. Maybe a little bit sad. None of his PA's had been afraid of him before. 

 

\-- 

  

Finn is, just as Kylo remembers, sickly sweet. He's very good and pretending to be in love, looking at Kylo in a way no one in his real life ever had. 

"Adam, promise me this will be the last time?" Finn says, changing the line just a little bit. It's enough that it throws Kylo off though, and he hesitates just a little bit too long to say his line back. 

"Brilliant." Hux grumbles, moving back to his mark before the director even says anything. Kylo doesn't know why he keeps fucking this scene up. He can't even count how many times they've done it, only that his ankles are starting to ache from crouching down on the ground, and his makeup is starting to run a little bit at his neck. The last thing he wants right now is for the makeup artist to have to touch him up. 

"Sorry, Finn." Kylo mumbles, looking down at his feet while everyone shuffles around. 

"Don't worry about it, man." Finn says, smiling up at Kylo from where he's sitting cross legged on the floor in front of him. "I have an idea, if you want to improvise a little? Might help, give you space to think about your lines, make it work if you're off guard." 

"Sure, whatever you think will work." Kylo says. He's terrible at this. He didn't think it'd be that much different from the times he's played the super villain, wooing the evil sidekick into doing his bidding. This is hard though, harder than Kylo had ever imagined. They're blazing through all his scenes with Finn, because Finn has a separate obligation he needs to get to in less than two weeks. So far, he's really the only one Kylo has acted against, with the occasional exception of Hux. Finn is a romantic drama veteran, it's what he does. He's got the sweetheart love interest shit locked down. Kylo just feels like he looks like some kind of gangly idiot, like there is no way any audience will believe Finn's character could ever love his. If he weren't so proud, he'd just quit, save everyone a lot of pain. 

"Alright, action." the director calls, and a sense of tension settles into Kylo's shoulders. 

"I can't stay, no matter how much I want to." Kyo says, swaying towards Finn a little bit. He hopes it looks like he's just being drawn towards him, not like his ankles are trying to give out from him holding this position for so long. 

"Then take me with you." Finn says. He reaches out then, touches Kylo's face gently. Kylo flinches when Finn's fingers brush against his scars. He goes with it though, since it works for the scene. He casts his eyes down, leans into Finn's hand as much as he can without hurting himself. 

"I can't do that, either, John. It's not safe." Kylo says. Finn shivers a little, like Kylo's lips brushing against his wrist affects him. It's good, too. If Kylo weren't literally inches from his face, he might not be able to tell that it was fake. 

"I don't care. I want us to stay together. Even if we die, I want it to be together." Finn says. His eyes fill with tears. He hadn't done that in the scenes before, and Kylo's eyes widen a little at the sight. Finn is good, Kylo knows he's the only one that can see the way Finn is digging his fingernails into his palm to make his eyes water. 

"We will be, I promise. Just, not yet. It's not that simple." Kylo says. He reaches up and brushes his knuckles against Finn's cheek gently, brushing away the single tear that has fallen. 

"Adam, it's time." Hux says, from behind them. Kylo glances over his shoulder, and Finn's hands slips from his face. His back pinches, and he almost topples himself off balance as he turns to look at Hux. 

"Give me a minute, Dom." Kylo says. It's not hard to inject anger into the voice when delivering lines to Hux. In just the few days they've been working together, Kylo has come to really loathe Armie Hux. Just looking at his smug ass face is enough to piss Kylo off for real. His character being a manipulative asshole works for him. Hux is good at being a piece of shit. 

"We don't have a minute." Hux says, scowling at Kylo. He crosses his arms over his chest, pulling his shirt tight across his body. Kylo's eyes dip down for a second, remembering exactly what Hux's body looks like under there, and he nearly fucks the scene up again. It's only Finn's hand back on his face that saves it. 

"Adam, just promise me, this job will be the last." Finn says, turning Kylo's face back forward. Kylo does loose his balance then, goes down on one knee. He and Finn both startle as Kylo's knee smacks into the ground between Finn's feet, but it's momentary enough that he's sure the camera doesn't catch it. Kylo follows through with the movement, reaches forward to wrap his hand around the back of Finn's neck. 

"All I can promise is that I'll come back to you. I'll always come back to you." Kylo says. Finn hesitates, and when his eyes go wide Kylo realizes that this is the farthest they've got with the scene yet, and Finn has suddenly forgotten _his_ line. Kylo thinks for a second that he's going to have to figure something out fast, when Finn leans forward and kisses him. It's dry, closed mouth, not an actual kiss at all, just one for the camera's. Kylo pretends to move his lips against Finn's, thinks to himself that maybe they should have practiced this more. Finn had suggested they figure out how to make their fake kisses look real, since Kylo was so bad at it. Kylo thought that sounded like a terrible idea though. Mostly because he didn't want to accidentally kiss Finn for real. Then he really would have to quit this stupid fucking movie. 

"Adam, time's up." Hux snaps. He sounds genuinely angry. Kylo pulls away, hopes he's got his face schooled into something like a loving expression. 

"I'll wait for you, as long as it takes." Finn says then, delivering his line late, out of order. It seems to work though, and Kylo smiles at him in genuine relief. He can't wait to never do this scene again. 

"Adam!" Hux yells. It's not part of the script, and Kylo finds himself getting annoyed. 

"Yes, Dom, I heard you the first time." Kylo growls, moving to stand up. He has one moment of pure glee, knowing they finally got through the scene. His ankles, though, have a different idea. Before he can get his legs fully under him, he loses his balance. He lands on the floor on his ass, hissing in pain as pins and needles shoot through his feet. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Ren!" Hux yells, smacking his fist against the door frame. 

"Are you okay?" Finn asks, sounding genuinely concerned, before Kylo has a chance to yell back at Hux. 

"Alright, everyone, let's take ten, come back to this when everyone is fresh." the director says, just barley suppressing the annoyance in his voice. 

Kylo just stays where he is, telling himself that there is nothing to cry about. 

  

\-- 

  

 **Mom 2:34PM** : Call your father. 

 **Outgoing 2:36PM** : y 

 **Mom 2:35PM** : Because I'm your mother and I said so. 

 **Outgoing 2:36PM** : i need a nap work is going bad 

 **Mom 2:37PM** : You can call your father before you take a nap. I know he'd like to hear from you. 

 **Outgoing 2:38PM** : well then he can call me! im napping now! gbye! 

Kylo's phone vibrates against his chest, a new text coming in, but he ignores it. He just sinks further into the shitty bed in his trailer, trying to pretend like he doesn't hate every single second of this movie. It's bad enough that people have seen him now, that part of the world knows his face is scarred and disfigured. Luckily there haven't been any pictures of him yet, but sometimes he thinks that makes it worse. People speculating about him is almost more frustrating. If Rey shows him one more article that claims he's missing an eye, he might just let Poe post a picture of his face on his stupid fucking Instagram. 

Kylo's phone vibrates against his chest again. Then keeps vibrating. Kylo swears under his breath, tilting the phone up to see that his mother is calling him. 

"Hi, mommy." Kylo mumbles, leaving the phone on his chest after he answers, putting his mom on speakerphone. 

"Honey, you sound miserable." his mom says. The raspy, no-nonsense sound of her voice calms Kylo, and he suddenly wishes he wasn't such an asshole, that he called her more. 

"I am." he says. He's always been more honest with his mother than he has with anyone. It's part of the reason he's been avoiding her. He knows if he talks to her, he'll tell her just how fucked up he feels. He doesn't want to bother her with that. 

"Oh, honey. Tell me what's going on." his mom says, her voice soothing him further. He doesn't hear any background noise, which means she's either at home, or her office door is shut. Whatever it is, he knows that she's taken time for just him. Suddenly, Kylo wants to cry. 

"I'm no good at this kind of acting, I'm messing everything up." Kylo says, weeks' worth of frustration rushing out of him suddenly. He finds that he can't stop talking after that. "My face hurts, and people just stare and judge. I'm ruining this whole movie and everyone hates me for it, I can tell. Armie Hux is a piece of garbage, who hates me just in general. He barley speaks to me, and when he does, he's an asshole. And every time he's around I just keep thinking about the fact that we slept together, and he seems to want to act like that never happened. Like he regrets it! Like I'm beneath him. I've tried to joke about it a couple of times and he's looked at me like he wants to stab me. I have no chemistry with my love interest, who I'm pretty sure thinks I have brain damage the way he asks like a mother hen. I hate this, and I wish I'd never taken this job. Rey keeps telling me she's proud of me, and it makes me want to scream. She's so happy right now, I can't just tell her all my shit and bring her down. I'm just so frustrated, mommy, I just want to give up." 

"Ben, sweetheart, calm down." his mom says gently. Kylo realizes only then that he's crying, his voice shaking horribly as tears stream down his face, falling onto his bedsheets. 

"I don't know what to do." Kylo says, feeling like he's five years old again, crying because he didn't get the lead in the school play. He remembers that day, when he'd got cast as a sheep in The Little Duckling. He'd sat in his mother's lap, and she'd brushed his hair back from his forehead until it laid flat. She hadn't even had to say anything, she'd just pressed him to her chest and hummed to him until he'd stopped crying and fell asleep. 

"I can't choose for you, honey. I can only tell you that I don't think a movie is worth your sanity. If you're not ready to act again, then you should take your time. You suffered a traumatic accident, nobody will hold it against you if you need more time." his mom says. Kylo wishes she didn't live in DC, so he could go to her and let her hug him.  

"It's too late. We're halfway through shooting. If I quit this, I'll never work again. My career will be over if I ruin this movie like that." Kylo says. Tears are still streaming down his face, but he's calmer. Mostly now he's crying just because after so much pent up frustration, his body _needs_ to cry. 

"Well, fuck 'em." his mom says, startling a laugh out of him. He almost never hears her swear, he thinks she sounds precious when she does, like a little kid swearing for the first time. "Seriously, Ben, if you're not happy, then you need to do something else. Anybody who gets mad at you for taking time to heal doesn't deserve you." 

"I know what I want to do, but I don't know if I can. I'm scared, mommy. I've worked so hard, finally have a role I wasn't type casted into, if I throw it away now, I might never get it back. Then I really won't be happy." Kylo starts to cry harder again. He sits up, punching his bed in frustration. His phone slips down his chest to sit in his lap, and Kylo folds himself over, dropping his face into his hands. 

"Oh, my son." his mom sounds like she might start to cry, and Kylo doesn't think he'll be able to handle it if she does. 

"Why did this have to happen to me?" Kylo cries, nearly screaming. "Why the fuck did everything have to get ripped away from me? It isn't fair, mom. It isn't fucking fair." 

"I know, my boy, I know." she says, and Kylo can tell she's crying now. It makes him want to scream. He does, before he can think about it. He knows it probably frightens his mother further, but he can't help it. 

"Tell me what to do. Please. I don't have the answer, mommy, please." Kylo sobs. 

"Quit, Ben. Come here, to DC." she sounds unsure, like she's doubting herself even as she says it. 

Kylo feels his trailer shift, almost imperceptibly, and his snaps his head up quickly. He thinks he's seeing shit, for a second, but then he meets Hux's eyes. He really is there, standing in Kylo's trailer, where he has no business being. Hux looks startled, like somehow Kylo has surprised _him_. At least, he also has the common sense to look frightened. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Kylo growls, jumping off the bed. 

"I heard screaming, I thought you may be hurt." Hux says. Kylo can see him trying to sound unaffected, but as he stalks towards Hux he can tell that there is actual fear, there. Hux tries to back up, miscalculates, and smacks into the half-open closet door.  

"Ben? Ben what's wrong?" his mom calls through the phone. Hux's eyes flick to the phone where it rests on the bed, furrowing his brow. 

"Get the fuck out of my trailer." Kylo says, his voice low. His hands are shaking at his sides. He isn't sure, but he doesn't think he's ever been this angry in his life. He's still crying, tears slipping down his face, even as he seethes. 

"I was worried, Ren. You were screaming." Hux says. Kylo knows, logically, that Hux can't leave the trailer when he's stuck between Kylo and the closet door. 

"Ben!" his mom yells, no longer sounding worried, just annoyed. 

"I'll call you back, mommy." Kylo says, not taking his eyes off Hux. He waits in silence, until he hears her sigh. There is a faint click, telling him the call is disconnected. Hux just looks at him, with an expression Kylo can't quite read. 

"You call your mum 'mommy'"? Hux asks, keeping his eyes on Kylo. One thing about Hux, that Kylo can't say about anybody else, is that his gaze never wavers. Everyone else, even Finn, looks around his face when they talk to him. Like they want to look at his scar, but don't want to seem rude, but don't want to seem grossed out, either. Hux, though, after the first few times, has just looked Kylo in the eyes every time. 

"Old habit." Kylo says. He's stopped crying, and his hands have relaxed at his side. He's still breathing heavy, his chest heaving between them. He can feel that he's sweating, doesn't know when that started. It's only when Hux's eyes drift down to a bead of sweat sliding down his chest that Kylo remembers that he's in his boxers. 

"I really was just worried, Ren." Hux says, looking back up at Kylo's face. It's not like Kylo has to wonder if Hux thinks he's hot. He remembers everything Hux had said to him in that bathroom stall. He'd been especially fascinated with Kylo's pecs. Admittedly, they were a slightly bigger then, since he'd been playing a super villain at the time. He knows though, that Hux must remember the other parts of him, the parts that haven't changed size at all. If Hux had been telling the truth, Kylo was the biggest he'd ever had. And best. 

"I doubt that, Armitage." Kylo says, watching Hux's eyes narrow as Kylo purposefully mispronounces his first name, which he hates anyway. "You don't have to pretend like you don't hate me, I don't really give a shit. Feelings mutual." Kylo takes a step back, giving Hux the escape he needs. "Now get the fuck out." 

Hux just nods his head, before turning on his heel and heading back towards the trailer door. Which Kylo can see, is standing open. Almost as if Hux had rushed in here. Almost as if he really _had_ been worried. Kylo turns his back, looks down at his rumpled bed.  

"You know," Hux says, softly. "my mother is bi polar."  

"I'm not bi polar." Kylo snaps. He doesn't turn to look at him, doesn't like what the man is implying.  

"Okay." Hux sighs. "What is it then?"  

"That's none of your business." Kylo says, still not turning around. He finds that, suddenly, he doesn't have the energy to be mad. 

"Does your mummy know, at least?" Hux asks, sounding almost like he's not _actually_ mocking Kylo. 

"There is nothing wrong with me." Kylo sniffs. He climbs onto his bed, not even caring if he gives Hux an unflattering view of his back end. He lays down on his stomach, pillowing his head on his arms. 

"Nobody comes out of almost dying with nothing wrong with them." Hux says. "I should know." 

Before Kylo can ask him what he meant by that, he hears the trailer door shut, feels the trailer shift as Hux's weight leaves the stairs. 

  

\-- 

  

Now that Finn is off in New Zealand filming some blockbuster film that he was too good of an actor for, Kylo was alone with Hux. They had almost as many scenes together and he and Finn did. It seemed, almost, like they were more emotional scenes. More intense. Kylo thinks it might not actually be the script. It might just be the way that he can't stop thinking, lately, about how beautiful Hux had looked in his lap. 

"Do you not trust me anymore, Adam?" Hux asks, glancing at Kylo out of the corner of his eye. Hux is pretty good at pretending to drive, actually keeps his fucking eyes on the road, unlike most actors. 

"It's never been about trust, you know that." Kylo says, bringing his fake cigarette to his lips. He's always hated the way these nicotine-free things tasted. Like mint flavored paper, more uncomfortable sitting in his lungs than real cigarette smoke ever was. 

"Well whatever it is, I need you to focus." Hux says, scoffing. Kylo is still impressed with the accent Hux can do. Better than most brit's who try to sound American. Hux's Brooklyn accent sounds more real than Kylo's. And Kylo was _from_ here. 

"I'm focused, Dom. What do you want from me?" Kylo snaps, stubbing his cigarette out on the thigh of his jeans angrily. It's not what he was supposed to do, the script had him stub it out on the center console. Kylo can't even really feel the heat through the fabric, doesn't hurt himself at all. Hux looks down at his leg though, eyes wide. 

"I want to know you ain't lost your god damn mind." Hux says. Going off script but staying in character. He glances up at Kylo, a look of confusion on his face. His eyes are back on the fake road within a second though. 

"You're not my fucking keeper." Kylo snarls. He's aware, that this isn't Adam talking to Dom. It's not like he and Hux have to fake the tension between them. 

"Love makes people do stupid shit." Hux says, back on script. 

"Just shut the fuck up, Dom." Kylo says. Not quite the right line, but close enough to _drop it, Dom_ , that he doesn't think it really matters. 

Kylo is tearing out of the little car as soon as the director calls cut, doesn't even wait to be told what they're doing next. He just says he feels like he needs to brush his teeth and storms off to the makeup trailer. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo sits on his couch, drunker than he intended to be, and watches as Poe and Rey play a racing game on a video game console he didn't even know he owned. Rey probably stole money from his wallet and bought it. He doesn't give a shit, she knows he'd give her the money if she asked anyway. Passive aggressive little sister shit never made sense to Kylo, but he doesn't really care. He's not sure what he's thinking about. He lifts his glass to his mouth, and it feels like it takes all the strength his has to do it. It feels slow. The whisky doesn't burn his throat as he swallows, so he'd probably had too much. 

"I think you need to get laid." Poe says, apparently in response to Kylo sighing quietly. 

"That an offer?" Kylo asks, looking at Poe's profile as he laughs. 

"I think we know by now, that would be a terrible idea." Poe says, looking over to smile at Kylo. Somehow, his little car stays perfectly on course on the screen. 

"Don't knock it till you try it." Kylo says, gesturing vaguely to his crotch. 

"You're disgusting." Rey says, pretending to gag. 

Poe shoves at her shoulder, and she shouts in annoyance as it makes her little car fly off the road in the game, Poe and Rey start bickering back and forth, and Kylo just lets their voices become white noise for him for a little while. It's all good, until Rey it tapping him on the shoulder suddenly. He thinks he might have dozed off, because Poe is sitting on the couch next to him now, strumming something on his guitar. Kylo didn't even notice that he'd _brought_ his guitar. Rey shakes him again, and when Kylo looks up at her, she looks pissed off. 

"Whaz'zit?" Kylo asks. He tries to sit up, but he's way too drunk for it, ends up sort of leaning his head on Rey's shoulder and swaying in place. 

"You know how I have a Google alert for you, right?" Rey asks, her tone somber. 

"What?" Kylo asks, trying his best to clear his head and pay attention. Poe puts down his guitar on the other end of the couch, leaning in to listen too. 

"I think you need to see this." she says, gently. 

She's putting her tablet in his hands, but his vision is swimming. She doesn't know that he's partially blind, so she doesn't get how hard it is for him to read, even while completely sober. Kylo just shakes his head, hands the tablet to Poe. Rey just stands where she is, ringing the bottom of her shirt in her hands. Kylo sees Poe's eyes go wide as he takes in whatever is on the screen. Poe looks up at Rey, who just nods. He looks back down at the tablet before slowly standing up. 

"Okay, big guy, you're gonna need some coffee." Poe says, heading towards Kylo's kitchen. "And maybe a tranquilizer." 

  

\-- 

  

 _Kylo_ _Ren fans all over the world have been waiting with baited breath to see what happened to their favorite bad boy. Over a year ago, news broke that_ _Kylo_ _Ren had crashed his Harley on a freeway in Northern California. Sources were able to find out that he'd been air lifted to the hospital, where he'd undergone dozens of reconstructive surgeries on his face. The only comment we ever got out of the_ _Deathstroke_ _star was that he'd have a long healing process, and he'd end up permanently scarred. The whole world worried for him while he went into_ _seclusion_ _. Many thought it was the end of_ _Kylo_ _Ren's career, that we'd never see him again. It wasn't until the_ _announcement_ _that_ _Kylo_ _Ren had been cast as the main character in the upcoming romance crime drama, Sweet Creature, that fans finally had hope that they'd get their favorite hunk back. Now, though, it looks like it might not be quite the case. Sources close to_ _Kylo's_ _co-star,_ _Armi_ _e_ _Hux, say that the actor has been causing trouble on set. From flubbing scenes, to angry outbursts, it seems_ _Kylo_ _Ren hasn't been up to snuff in his new role._  

 _"Armitage is just really frustrated." our source tells us "_ _Kylo_ _isn't capable of the kind of acting required from him, and he's taking it out on everyone else."_  

 _Kylo_ _Ren has shown to have some decent acting chops. In_ _Deathstroke_ _,_ _Kylo_ _brought us all to tears acting out the tragic_ _villain's_ _traumatic_ _backstory. This reporter was_ _skeptical_ _that_ _Kylo_ _isn't capable of playing a run-of-the-mill thug, after playing_ _Hollywood's_ _favorite super-_ _villain_ _._  

 _"Maybe it was more than just, you know, cosmetic." our course says. "Armitage thinks he might have brain damage. Which, you can't fault the guy for. He should just know when something isn't working. You know, it's not his costars fault that his career is over."_  

 _Beyond this, our source can settle for us, once and for all, the state of our handsome bad-boy's handsome face._  

 _"Oh, he's pretty messed up." our source tells us. "Armitage told me that the makeup people have had to work twice as long as they do on everyone else. It's really sad. The guy is basically two_ _face_ _."_  

 _"I just don't think the casting director made a good choice." our source says in conclusion. "He's lost his good looks and his talent, and it's sad, but it's something that he should accept. This movie would have been good, really good, without_ _Kylo_ _Ren."_  

  

\-- 

  

Kylo stares at Dr. Årud, trying to remain as impassive as he can. His knuckles still hurt from punching a hole into his bedroom wall thenight before. He'd also walked through broken glass as one point, and his feet ache a little in his boots.  

"You know, and I know, that you don't have brain damage, Kylo. I've told you what's wrong with you, you're just stubborn about it" Dr.  Årud says, shining a light into Kylo's bad eye. 

"Still look like shit." Kylo grunts, wincing a little when Dr.  Årud's grip on his jaw tightens. 

"You have scars, Kylo. You didn't lose an eye, or half your nose. The scar tissue only seems so bad because of the surgeries afterwards." Dr.  Årud scowls at him. "Or are you not happy with my work?" 

"I never said that. I'm not stupid, doctor, I know what people are going to think when they see me." Kylo says. 

"How lucky you are to be alive? How brave you are for returning to the screen?" Dr.  Årud asks. Kylo thinks the man might actually be mad. Not _at_ Kylo, but on his behalf. "Your scars hurt because they aren't done healing, as I've told you. We used the existing lacerations as our entry points for the surgery, so you've got a buildup of tissue. You think it's bad only because you hurt. You hurt because of what is _underneath_ the skin, Kylo. You hurt because of tendons, bones, muscle. Things nobody can see." 

"I still think," Kylo starts, but Dr.  Årud makes a noise in the back of his throat and turns away from him. 

"Finish your physical therapy, Kylo. You are just as handsome as ever." Dr.  Årud turns back to him, hands on his hips. "Now, don't make me call your mother. We're still very good friends, you know." 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo doesn't know what he was expecting when he got back to the shoot two days after the article, but Armie Hux being on sick leave is probably for the best. They only have two more scenes together, anyway. The final scene they have, climax of the film, has Kylo's character killing Hux's. It's probably best for everyone involved that Kylo doesn't actually have to "wrestle clumsily over the gun" with that nasty little rat today. Kylo has a ton of solo scenes to get through, anyway. It's just a good thing Kylo's character is fueled with desperation and anger, because that's all Kylo can feel. The scenes he has on his own go smoother than any other. He's not nervous like he was with Finn. Not frustrated like he was with Hux. All he is now, is determined. Determined to prove that haughty British asshole wrong. Kylo was going to give the performance of his career, make his mom proud, and then use his paycheck to sue the shit out of Armitage Hux and The Sun for slander and defamation. 

  

\-- 

  

 **To** : [kylo.ren@fomanagment.co](mailto:kylo.ren@fomanagment.co) 

 **From** : [finn2187@rest.manage.com](mailto:finn2187@rest.manage.com) 

 **Subject** : !!!! 

Kylo, 

I saw that article in The Sun, and I just wanted to write to let you know that they're wrong. Whoever said those things, and whoever beleives them, are dumbies. You are great to work with, pretending to be in love with you was the easiest romantic role I've ever had! I know you probably don't care what I have to say, but I think you're incredibly strong. If I were ever in your shoes, I don't think I'd be able to do what you did. I looked at your face everyday, and I didn't see anything but handsome bad boy! No matter what happens with this movie, I am glad we got to play lovers, and I'll be proud of what we made tgether. I can't wait to see you again for the reshoots! Let's walk the premiere carpet togehter, give them something to talk about!  

i hope you're well. 

xx Finn. 

  

\-- 

  

 **To** : [finn2187@rest.manage.com](mailto:finn2187@rest.manage.com) 

 **From** : [kylo.ren@fomanagement.co](mailto:kylo.ren@fomanagement.co) 

 **Subject** : RE:!!!! 

  

okay? dont know y u felt the need to say this. 

sappy nerd. im fine. 

and im not walking the carpet. u can walk with my sister shell like u.  

  

  

thank u. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo doesn't turn around when he hears expensive shoes click on the trailer steps. He keeps his eyes down, looking at his phone. He ignores Hux when he says good morning and pretends like he can't feel the way the man is staring at him. He knows Hux well enough to know that he won't start a fight in front of the makeup artists, so he probably won't say anything at all. 

"I've never worked with someone with scars before." his makeup artist whispers to him. Kylo startles at this, looks up at her. They haven't talked much, because Kylo isn't much of a talker.  

"Oh, right." Kylo says, whispering too, because it would feel weird if he didn't. 

"Just, I wanted you to know, if I ever seemed frustrated, it's not you. I just want to do a good job, I wanted to do right by you. Not look like I'm trying to cover them up, not draw attention to them. I didn't really know what I was doing, and I wanted to make sure I could make you look a way that would make you happy." she says, looking into Kylo's eyes. Her face doesn't do much, just stays impassive. Kylo realizes then, for the first time, that she's much older than he thought. He squints his eyes, looks at her through just his left eye, and almost laughs. He'd thought she had a bitchy look, but he realizes now, that it's just botox.  

"Thank you, that uh, actually does mean a lot to me." Kylo says. She seemed sincere, so he decided he would be to. 

"I love working with you, Mr. Ren." she says. She smiles, open mouthed, and it looks very weird. Kylo kind of hopes she never smiles at him again.  

  

\-- 

  

The script said he was supposed to be heartbroken, but he was just pissed. Hux had elbowed him for real during the fight. Kylo had promised his doctor there wouldn't be any fight scenes. That's gonna be a hard lie to back up now that Hux has elbowed him in the jaw, hard enough to make Kylo cry out in pain. Hux had done a pretty good job of pretending like he was sorry. Kylo had just brushed everyone off, pushed forward with the scene even as the metal in his jaw felt like it was tearing his tendons apart. He just hopes the plate hurt Hux's elbow. 

"You were never going to let me go, were you." Kylo asks, spitting in Hux's face. He's straddling his chest, pinning both of his wrists down with one of his hands. His other hand holds a gun against Hux's chest, poised to shoot him in the heart. Funny, a month ago he'd have had a hard time concentrating right now, with the way Hux's face is flushed, the way his hair is falling loose around his neck. 

"There is no such thing, Adam. It's business." Hux says, shrugging. Kylo has a line, but he can't remember it. He just stares down at Hux in fury for a moment, wracking his brain for the right thing. 

"Then I guess you won't take this personal." Kylo says, which is nowhere near the line. Hux is supposed to say something else, but Kylo pulls the trigger on the gun, watches the way the blood pack explodes underneath Hux's shirt. The look of shock and confusion on Hux's face is good, he hopes it makes it into the final cut. 

  

\-- 

  

Hux still has fake blood all over his neck and hour later, when he pushes his way into Kylo's trailer. Kylo stands up from the couch, watching with astonishment as Hux slams the door behind him and pushes Kylo in the center of the chest. Kylo is pretty sure he was trying to make him sit back down but he doesn't budge. 

"You must really think _so_ little of me." Hux spits, pushing at Kylo's chest again, using both hands this time. 

"Do you know what I got arrested for?" Kylo asks, rocking back on his heels a little, throwing Hux off balance. 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Hux asks, moving on from pushing to _slapping_ Kylo in the chest, like a child throwing a temper tantrum. 

"Aggravated assault and arson." Kylo says, calmly. "I lit my sister's boyfriend's car on fire." Kylo tries not to laugh when Hux takes a step back, looking at Kylo in something like horror. 

"What the fuck, Ren? Is that supposed to be a threat?" Hux scoffs, surprises Kylo by rolling his eyes. "That just makes you sound insane, not scary." 

"What?" Kylo asks. Confused, to why Hux is here at all, why he hit Kylo, why he seems to think Kylo's criminal past is comical. 

"I didn't talk to the fucking Sun, asshole. Did you not know that I once sued them?" Hux says, pulling the paper out from behind him, where Kylo assumes it was stuck into his back pocket. 

"I did know that. I don't care who you said that shit to, it didn't surprise me anyway." Kylo says, watching with furrowed brow as Hux flips through the paper hurriedly. Kylo hadn't actually seen the physical paper, isn't very flattered by the picture they chose for the cover. It's a screen grab of him from Deathstroke, where he's in the middle of screaming. Next to it is a picture of Hux that Kylo had seen before, from his Burberry campaigns. It takes Kylo a second to read the lettering between Hux's fingers, but finally figures out that the words accompanying their pictures reads ARMIE HUX THINKS KYLO REN IS BEYOND HELP. 

"First of all, if my one and only friend in this world ever called me Armitage, I would shave her head in her sleep. That's a long-established agreement." Hux says, jabbing his finger at the page when he finds the article. He folds the magazine in half, eyes flicking across the page faster than Kylo could imagine reading. "Secondly, I have never even thought, let alone _said_ , any of this about you. If you truly believe I would find you any less attractive because you have a few scars, you must really think I'm a piece of shit." 

"I do think you're a piece of shit." Kylo says. There is no heat behind his words, he mostly just sounds surprised. 

"And I think you are a stubborn, short tempered _beast._ I do not, however, think you aren't talented. I think you are struggling, understandably, and I may get short with you, but I am not _this_ much of an asshole." Hux says, shaking the paper in Kylo's face. 

"Okay." Kylo says, staring wide eyed as Hux finally chucks the paper across the room. "Did you say you only have one friend?" 

"Oh, fuck you, how many do you have?" Hux asks, settling his hands on his hips. 

"Two." Kylo says, narrowing his eyes. 

"Your little sister doesn't count." Hux retorts, raising an eyebrow at Kylo. 

"How do you know I was including her?" Kylo asks. 

"You talk about her like she hung the moon, Ren. I know you count her. You're related, so she doesn't count." 

"She's adopted." Kylo says, stupidly. He didn't realize he talked about his sister that much. He knows he's never talked to _Hux_ about her, which means Hux just paid attention. Listened when Kylo had told Finn his sister wanted to be a stunt driver, like Finn's late grandfather had been. Listened when he'd told his PA that he was letting his sister stay with him rent free, because he couldn't say no to her when she asked him for anything. Hux knew Kylo better than Kylo knew Hux, because he listened.  

Because he gave a shit. 

  

\-- 

  

 **Outgoing 5:54AM** : wanted 2 check in. c how u r doing. im very busy cnt talk much but hopw u r well. 

 **Dad 5:55AM** : nice to hear from you, kid. im doing alright, hows the new movie? 

 **Outgoing 5:55AM** : i didnt think ud b up. srry if i woke u. movie is going ok. 

 **Dad 5:56AM** : you text us at odd hours to try and avoid us. we know your tricks, son. we'll always be here for you, you should know that. 

 **Outgoing 5:57AM** : thank u. 

 **Dad 5:58AM** : ive been reading a lot about you. youd let me know if any of this was really going on, right? if you were having brain problems.  

 **Dad 5:58AM** : no, i know you wouldnt tell me. youd tell your mom though, right? 

 **Outgoing 5:59AM** : everything u read is bullshit. im fine. this movie isnt the type im used 2 so its been weird but jst bcuz its new. and yes id tell mom.  

 **Dad 6:01AM** : good to hear. you know you can call me whenever. it does get pretty boring around here while your mother campains. lots of pictures in suits i didnt pick for myself. 

 **Outgoing 6:03AM** : we will all c each othr at the prmr. alreay got u nd mom tix. 

 **Dad 6:04AM** : what about your uncles? 

 **Outgoing 6:04AM** : i only hav 1 uncle?? 

 **Dad 6:05AM** : you have two uncles and youre going to get them both tickets. 

 **Outgoing 6:05AM** : ok. ill get tix for luke and chewie 2 

 **Dad 6:06AM** : good. ill leave you be, now. go make a movie. 

 **Dad 6:06AM** : im glad to talk to you 

 **Dad 6:07AM** : you know what i mean? 

 **Outgoing 6:08AM** : luv u 2

 

\-- 

  

The first thing Finn does when he sees Kylo is kiss him. It's not fake, either, and Kylo just stands there in shock. 

"It's nice to see you, too?" Kylo says, frowning as Finn pulls back. 

"It's always awkward when we kiss, and since I know we have to reshoot a bunch of kisses and film our sex scene, I figured we should be prepared." Finn smiles. 

"Sex scene?" KYlo asks, feeling his heart drop into his shoes. He's never filmed a sex scene in his life, had thought he'd made his aversion to filming one clear. 

"Did you not read the rewrites?" Finn asks, looking at Kylo in sympathy. "Yeah uh, they put a sex scene in, before the robbery. Adam and John's first time." 

"Fuck me." Kylo mutters to himself looking around for Mitaka so he can go over the rewrites he'd neglected. 

"Well, the script says you're over me so, it's probably the other way around." Finn says, laughing. Kylo gives him a dirty look, which just makes Finn laugh harder. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo isn't surprised when Hux barges into his trailer like he belongs there. Nor is he surprised when a copy of a trashy magazine hits him in the chest. It's become a habit. Any time a tabloid printed something about either of them, Hux barged into Kylo's trailer so they could be pissed and amused together. 

"Are you aware that you think I'm a drug addict?" Hux asks, throwing himself on the couch next to Kylo.  

"Aren't you?" Kylo asks, ignoring the magazine in favor of staring at his script in horror. 

"Goodness no. Where the media got the idea that I do cocaine is beyond me. I don't even drink." Hux says, sniffing. He pulls his legs up onto the couch, kicking Kylo gently in the legs. "Why are you ignoring me?" 

"Because I hate you." Kylo says, swatting at Hux's feet. 

"Yes, which is why you usually scowl at me and call me an asshole. You're ruining my fun, you're hilarious when you're annoyed." Hux says, giving up on kicking Kylo, instead just draping his legs across Kylo's lap. 

"Have you ever done a sex scene?" Kylo asks, finally looking up at Hux.  

"Yes, two of them. Have you not seen my movies, Ren? I'm hurt." Hux clutches his chest, feigning like he really is insulted. 

"With men, or women?" Kylo asks. He turns on the couch, so he's facing Hux. It forces Hux to shift his legs around, until he has one foot on either side of Kylo's hips. 

"Women, why?" Hux tilts his head at Kylo, like he's trying to figure out a puzzle. 

"Because I have no idea how I'm supposed to film a sex scene." Kylo says, tossing the script at Hux like he's disgusted by it. He kind of is. 

"Oh, my." Hux laughs, picking up the script to look it over. "You've never done any type of sex scene? Not even the PG-13 kind?" 

"No, and I didn't know I'd have to for this. I thought everyone knew I wouldn't want to do sex scene. It's not like I can tell them no now, is it?" Kylo leans forward and rests his elbows on Hux's knees so that he can drop his face into his hands. 

"You can tell them to go fuck themselves. It's reshoots, it's not as if they can fire you now." Hux says, reaching out to pat Kylo on the back of his head. Kylo looks up at him, frowning. Hux leaves his hand where it is, tangling his fingers into Kylo's hair, pulling at the knots that had formed from Kylo smothering himself with his pillow earlier. 

"I don't want to be difficult, I've already been shitty enough." Kylo says, sagging further down. His elbows slip off Hux's knees, and he ends up just crossing his arms on the top of Hux's thighs, resting his chin on his wrists. 

Hux looks up from the script to meet Kylo's eyes. They seem to realize what they're doing at the same time. Hux's hand tightens on Kylo's hair, and Kylo remembers, vividly, the last time he'd had his face in Hux's crotch, with Hux's fingers in his hair. It was over two years ago, but Kylo has never forgotten a single detail about that night. Hux seems to be thinking the same thing, if the way his eyes darken as he looks at Kylo's mouth is any indication. 

"It shouldn't be difficult. Finn is used to sex scenes, he'll know what to do." Hux says as he resumes running his fingers through Kylo's hair. He's not taming it anymore though, he's just touching Kylo's hair for the sake of it. 

"He's only done one sex scene with a man, and it was in a frat comedy. It's not going to be like that. We have to make love." Kylo says, watches Hux's nose twitch the tiniest bit when he says that last part. 

"Just do what you would do if it were real, just with pants on." Hux tells him, shrugging. 

"I wouldn't have sex with Finn, for real. So that doesn't really work." Kylo says, lifting his chin from his arms to look up at Hux. He lets his elbows slide down to the couch, so his hands are just resting on the top of Hux's thighs. 

"Then pretend he _is_ someone you would have sex with, do to him what you'd do to them, I suppose." Hux says, letting go of the script so it drops to the ground, which neither of them really pays much attention to. 

"It's a lot different than having a guy ride my dick in a public bathroom." Kylo says. He gets the reaction he was looking for. Hux's fingers tighten further in his hair, and the muscles in his thigh twitch under Kylo's thumbs. His cheeks go slightly red, but he does a good job of keeping his expression calm. 

"Well, then, just imagine a time you've made love to someone in a bed, like a civilized person." Hux says. Kylo just hums in the back of his throat. He keeps his eyes on Hux's he slides his hands off his thighs, planting them on the couch next to his hips. Hux looks like he might be a second from losing his mind when Kylo pushes himself up, sliding forward until his chest is settled fully between Hux's thighs. Kylo looks up Hux's body at him, sliding his hands up the couch until they rest against Hux's ribs. 

"The best sex I've ever had was in a stall in a shitty pub. I'm not sure I can pull up any other memory strong enough to be convincing." Kylo says. His chin brushes against Hux's stomach as he talks, and Hux's mouth drops open on an exhale. 

"Then I suppose you need to make a new memory, something more horizontal." Hux says. he drops his hand from Kylo's hair, brings his arms behind his head. Kylo takes it as the challenge his is, shifts the rest of the way up Hux's body, until Hux's thighs are around his hips. 

"How do you suggest I do that? I only have a few days before I have to film that scene, and not a lot of spare time. In fact, I only have about, let's see, an hour, before I have to be back on set." Kylo says, watching Hux's eyes flicker between Kylo's eyes and mouth.  

"Are you going to make a whole big game out of this, Ren? Or are you going to fuck me?" Hux asks, bringing his legs up to wrap around Kylo's waist, pulling their bodies together. 

"Why, Hux, I would never do anything so untoward." Kylo says around a smile, trying not to laugh. Hux just rolls his eyes, before leaning up to kiss him. Kylo doesn't get a chance to do much, before Hux has his arms around him, running his hands back through Kylo's hair. Belatedly, Kylo thinks that if he thinks even for a _second_ about Hux while filing with Finn, things will get awkward, extremely fast. 

"I still think you're a beast." Hus whispers, against Kylo's jaw. 

"Good." 

  

\-- 

  

 Kylo stands next to the bed in his robe and tries not to look at Poe. He'd made the foolish mistake of telling Poe he had to film a sex scene, and he should have known the man would find a way onto the set to watch him. Kylo doesn't even remember why he's friends with Poe, since they have nothing in common. Well, that's not true. They are both _slightly_ afraid of Kylo's mother. 

"I still can't believe your friends with _the_ Poe Dameron. He's a legend." Finn sighs dreamily. " You ready for our big scene?" he asks, smiling far too wide as he steps around Kylo to sit on the bed. He's not even wearing a robe, just sits there in his tiny underwear like it's no big deal.  

"Just don't blame me if this goes horribly wrong." Kylo mutters, looking away from Finn so he can stop looking at the way his underwear is really, _really_ bad at its job. He makes the mistake of looking at Hux, who is just sitting in his chair across the studio. He's not even looking at Kylo, he's just looking over his script. Kylo doesn't know how, but he thinks he hates Hux even more after they had sex for the second time. Mostly because Hux was just as beautiful as he remembered, and just as flippant. It's not like Kylo felt like the sex meant anything, but a little more than a smack on the ass as goodbye might have been polite. They had barley even spoken since. 

"You'll do fine. Remember that this is their first time together, and Adam doesn't think he deserves John. If you didn't look nervous, it wouldn't be right." Finn says, tapping Kylo on the thigh, which is a little awkward. Kylo turns away from Hux to look at Poe, since that only makes him a little less pissed off. Poe has, somehow, gotten himself a bag of microwave popcorn, and gives Kylo a big thumbs-up. Kylo scowls at him, and Poe blows him a kiss.  

"Thanks, Finn. You're right, it's just, uh." Kylo just stops talking, shrugging instead. Finn seems to know what he means though. Kylo doesn't have time to say much more before the director steps up and tells him he has to take his robe off. Kylo hands his PA his robe, trying to ignore the way it feels like everyone's eyes are boring into the scars on his clavicle and chest.  

Finn and Kylo get into the bed, shifting around as the director and lighting people tell them how to lay. Poe lets out an encouraging cheer and is shushed by at least five people. Kylo tries to ignore the way his hands shake as he brings it up to Finn's shoulder as directed. At Kylo's request, only necessary crew are around. Poe being the exception, since he's an asshole. It still feels like there are too many people here, looking at him as he lays with the unmarred side of his face towards the pillow. Finn is as good a scene partner as always, he can tell Kylo is uncomfortable.  

"Action." the director says, and the word seems to be too loud on the set. Kylo feels like his heart is beating so loud that the boom will pick it up. 

"Are you nervous, Adam?" Finn asks, which isn't his line. Kylo meets his eyes and sees John's love for Adam there. 

"Of course, I am." Kylo says, slipping into Adam's Brooklyn accent. "You're too good for me." Kylo says. They are way off script, because it's just Finn and Kylo talking to each other. Finn is a good actor, way better than Kylo. He's used to this, the scrutiny. Kylo feels like he's a fraud, laying here. He thinks he gets a part of his character he never did before. How Adam feels like he doesn't deserve John, how he feels like he pales in comparison. 

"None of that matters." Finn says, like he can read everything Kylo is feeling from his eyes. "I love you." Finn says. Kylo doesn't know why, but by the time Finn leans in to kiss him, he's crying. Finn opens his mouth against Kylo's, but Kylo doesn't do the same, and Finn is forced to redirect in the middle of the action. Finn's hand lands on his face, the rough pads of his fingers digging into Kylo's largest scar. 

Kylo pulls away like Finn has burned him. Finn looks at him in confusion. The director starts to say something, but Kylo can't hear him over the blood rushing in his ears as he clambers out of the bed. He storms away, pushing passed the director with a growl when the man tries to stop him. Hopefully, nobody is stupid enough to follow him. Kylo steps out of the set and walks across the lot to his trailer without any mind to the fact that he's in a thong. The gravel hurts his bare feet, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care about any of this anymore. Not this movie, not his career, none of it. He tries to slam his trailer door behind him, but it stops short. He spins around, ready to scream, until he sees that it's Poe who steps up into the trailer. Kylo didn't even realize Poe had been behind him. 

"I told them all to leave us alone." Poe says, shutting the trailer door gently. 

"Thank you." Kylo says. He starts to sit on his couch, but echoes of Hux's voice play through his head, so he turns and makes his way to the bed. He throws himself down on his front, doesn't protest when Poe lays down next to him and rubs his shoulder soothingly. 

"Talk to me, buddy." Poe says. "You gotta now we're all worried about you." 

"Nothing to worry about, just don't want to do a sex scene." Kylo mumbles into his blankets. 

"Kylo, you've been a powder keg waiting to blow since this film started. We all know you're hiding things from us." Poe scoots closer, and Kylo can smell the ridiculous Armani cologne he wears. It's familiar, comforting. Poe has worn Armani since they were teenagers. 

"Nothing to hide, Poe." Kylo says, turning his face to look at his friend. His face is close enough that Kylo can see the unshed tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. A long time ago, Kylo had thought Poe was the most handsome man he'd ever meet. Right now, Kylo wonders how life might be different if they were even a little bit attracted to each other. 

"Rey calls me, you know, crying. She doesn't know who else to call, knows you'd be pissed if she called your parents." Poe tells him, and Kylo feels his heart sink. "She moved in with you because she was terrified of the idea of you being alone, you know that right? She doesn't even like the Upper East Side." 

"Great. My little sister is secretly my babysitter, nice to know." Kylo says, snorting in annoyance. He turns his face the other way, puts the back of his head to Poe. If he moves his head a little quicker than necessary so he can whip Poe in the face with his hair, whatever. 

"If you were honest, we wouldn't have to worry." Poe says, retracting his hand, but scooting even closer, so he and Kylo and pressed together from head to toe along their sides. Kylo feels ridiculous when his bare foot brushes against Poe's boots. They lay there in silence, and Kylo is aware that they'll keep doing that until Kylo says something. 

"I'm still in pain." Kylo whispers. 

"Okay. How much?" Poe asks, keeping his voice quiet, emotionless. 

"A lot. Moving the right side of my face is torture. The physical therapy helps, but there are still some words I can't even say. I'm very careful with my adlibs. If I move my mouth the wrong way, my words come out like I've got cotton in my teeth." Kylo says. 

"Oh. You've hid that well." Poe says. 

"Poe Dameron es un mejor amigo de mierda." Kylo says. His mispronounces most of it, and he can tell Poe is trying his best not to laugh. 

"I'm sorry you're in pain, Kylo. You should know you don't need to hide that from us. I know you've always been like that, though. I remember when you sprained your ankle when we were little. Slipped on a rock while we were trying to catch turtles. You walked all the way back to your house, without so much as a flinch. Your mom rushed you to the hospital, and even the doctor was impressed." Poe says. 

"Poe, I," Kylo starts, unsure if he even wants to say anything more. With a sigh, he rolls over, so he's lying on his right side. Poe shifts too, so they're facing each other fully. Kylo brings his hand up and covers his left eye. "Now, I can't see you."  

"Kylo." Poe sighs, and when Kylo takes his hand from his eye, he can see how sad his friend looks. "Kylo, fuck, how could you not tell anybody you lost your eyesight? Fucking Christ, you've been walking around by yourself! You could have died!" 

"I'm only partially blind. I can perceive vague shapes and light." Kylo tells him. 

"Still, dude, what the fuck." Poe reaches out, and his hand disappears to Kylo and he rests it just under Kylo's right eye. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I really don't have an answer for that Poe. I just didn't." Kylo says. 

Poe just nods, tracing Kylo's scars gently. Kylo wonders how angry everyone is, back on the set. For the moment, though, he finds he doesn't really give a shit. 

  

\-- 

  

 **Unknown number 8:56PM** : Why does nobody on this film have your number? Took me ages to find you.  

 **Outgoing 10:34PM** : who? 

 **Unknown number 10:34PM** : So you are alive, lovely. This is Hux. 

 **Outgoing 10:34PM** : what u want? 

 **Unknown number 10:36PM** : I want to speak with you, but I can not abide that hideous way you type. 

Kylo doesn't have time to respond to the text when his phone starts ringing. 

"What you want?" Kylo grunts into the phone. 

"You're being very stupid." Hux says. He sounds sleepy, and Kylo hates him more than a little. He sounds amazing. 

"What do you have to say that you didn't say earlier at the wrap party?" Kylo asks, sitting up in his bed. The blankets slide down to his hips, and the air feels cold on his bare chest. 

"I want to see you. You didn't give me a chance to ask." Hux says it like it's obvious. 

"You'll see me at the premiere." Kylo tells him. 

"That's months from now, Ren." Hux says, like he really does think Kylo is stupid. 

"So?" Kylo ask. He hears Rey's door open, sees the light from the hallway turn on and seep under his doorway. He can hear her shuffling her feet sleepily on her way to the kitchen. 

"Do you not want to see me before then?" Hux asks, voice suddenly emotionless. Very obviously so, like it's forced. 

"I don't see why I would, it's not like we're friends." KYlo says, watching the light shift around as his sister moves around outside his door. 

"I see." Hux says. Silence stretches for a minute, and Kylo isn't sure what he should say. "Goodnight, then." 

Hux hangs up before he even finishes his own sentence. Kylo just sets his phone back on his nightstand numbly. He listens to the fridge door rattle as Rey lets it swing shut. Her footsteps shuffle back towards the hallway, and Kylo can see the shadow of her pause for a moment outside of his door. He thinks about calling out to her, asking her if she wants to go out into the living room and watch a movie together since clearly they both can't sleep. Before he makes up his mind to do so, she continues on to her own room.  

Kylo tries not to wonder why his heart suddenly feels heavy in his chest. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo has six missed calls from his mother, two calls from a number he doesn't know, and one from his mom's secretary. His phone had been dead when he'd woken up that morning, since he'd let Rey borrow his charging cable and she took off with it. He stuck his phone onto the charging dock in the kitchen while he made his breakfast. Ever since the film wrapped, he hadn't been doing much of anything. He usually slept until noon, ate some food, went to physical therapy on the days he had it scheduled, and then watched movies with his sister or Poe. He hadn't really expected much of anything when he'd turned his phone on, so the amount of notifications automatically makes him panic. 

"Rainbow." he calls "Rey!"  

"What, what the fuck?" she asks, popping her head up from the other side of the couch, where she'd been doing Pilates on the floor. 

"Do you have any voicemails from mom?" Kylo asks, even as he's dialing his own voicemail to see what she had to say. 

"I left my phone at Rose's house." Rey says, frowning. Kylo doesn't know who Rose is, but he doesn't much care at the moment, so he just holds a hand up to her and presses his phone to his ear. He expects to hear his mother's voice, but the first voicemail is from a woman he doesn't know. 

" _Hello, Mr. Organa-Solo. I'm calling from Providence Saint Peter Hospital, on behalf of Han Solo. I'm afraid there has been an accident_."  

She keeps talking, but Kylo doesn't hear any of it. Rey must read something on his face, because she has a look of fear on her face when Kylo looks up at her. 

"Google Providence Saint Peter Hospital, and then buy a plane ticket to whatever city it's in." Kylo tells her. She doesn't question him or hesitate, she just turns and runs to his room. The voicemail ends, and switches to the next one. This one is his mother, and all Kylo registers is the fact that she's crying before he throws his phone across the room in anger. It hits the TV, which shatters, and Kylo hasn't cared less about something breaking in his life. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo's right shoulder hurts when he wakes up. It's a fun and new pain that he hasn't really had to deal with before. He knows that shoulder was dislocated in his accident, but it hadn't bothered him since the first few days afterwards. Something about falling asleep in a shitty hospital waiting room made him feel like he had a knife in his shoulder blade. 

"Honey." his mom says, patting his arm gently. He realizes she's what woke him up, and he sits up straight so he can look at her.  

"Hi, mommy." Kylo says, wincing when he stretches out his back.  

"We should get a hotel, we can't all be sleeping in the waiting room all the time." she says, sitting next to Kylo, holding one of his hands in both of hers.  "Besides, you smell terrible." 

Kylo looks down at the way his hand looks so huge in hers, curls his fingers as gently as he can around her fingers. She has wrinkles on the back of her hands now, Kylo is just now noticing. 

"Okay. I'll give Rey some cash, so she can book it in her name. The last thing we need are reporters after me or you." Kylo tells her, trying to sound strong. He's only ever seen his mother look like she does now once before. When he woke up in a hospital, a lot like this one, she'd been at his bedside. Her hair and been falling out of her usually immaculate updo, and she was in a rumpled shirt and a jacket that clearly hadn't belonged to her. Right now, he knows that he has to be there for her, before he can think about himself. She gets to cry first. 

"That's a good idea, sweetheart." she says, patting the back of his hand. She doesn't let go though, so he can get up and go talk to Rey where she was sitting with Chewie.  

"Mommy." Kylo says, not even knowing what he's going to try and say. He looks at her face, and sees that she's staring off down the hallway, towards where the OR is. His dad is down there somewhere, fighting for his life. 

All Kylo can think of, is that he never did get around to calling him like he'd promised he would. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo and Rey sit quietly on the hotel bed, cross-legged with a room service tray between them. Their mom is asleep in the bed next to them, while Chewie stayed back at the hospital. Kylo didn't know anything about Olympia, Washington, or why his dad had been here. Only Chewie knew what had happened to land Han in the hospital, and he hadn't been able to really explain it. He'd kept signing the words for "hurt" "Job" "scary" and then miming hitting himself in the heart. Kylo didn't ask him to explain any further, since his hands were covered in blood and Kylo didn't want to look at him talk anymore. 

Kylo had called Poe from his mom's phone, since both he and Rey were sans cellphone at the moment. Poe had sounded miserable. Poe had always gotten along with Kylo's dad better than Kylo. Poe knew what this felt like, too. Sitting in a room, waiting to be told whether or not your parent was still alive. Poe said if he didn't hear anything by the next day, he'd fly out himself. Kylo had wanted to tell him not to bother, but he figured that might just serve to hurt Poe. He may not have been their son, but Poe loved Kylo's parents almost as much as he and Rey did. 

"Do you remember the day mom and dad brought me home?" Rey asks, startling Kylo into dropping the french fry he'd picked up. He hadn't planned on eating it anyway. 

"I was only five, but I remember most of it." Kylo says, smiling sadly. "You were tiny, and I insisted they let me hold you. I carried you all around the living room until you fell asleep." 

"There is a picture, from that day, of dad holding me. It's in the photo album in mom's study. Dad looks so confused in that picture, like he can't believe he's holding another baby." Rey tells him, tears welling in the corner of her eyes. "I took it out of the album once, to photocopy it to my computer. He'd written on the back of it. It said, 'the day I slowed down.' It didn't make sense at first, but now I get it." 

"He quit Nascar right after we adopted you." their mom says. Kylo looks over at her, sees that she's awake and watching them. 

"I always thought he was mad about it." Rey says, crying now. "I thought he blamed me for having to retire." 

"Oh, honey, oh, no." their mom says, climbing out of the bed so she can hug Rey. "I wanted your dad to retire when I was still pregnant with Ben. He was stubborn, told me a boy would love having a racecar driver for a father. When you came along, I didn't even ask him again. He just retired. When I asked him why, he said because he hadn't been whole before. There was a gap in the family, and you filled it. For all of us, honey, you filled it." 

Kylo watches his mom and sister hug, and he knows his mom is right. There is a reason he calls his sister Rainbow. They had always been a good family. It wasn't until Rey, that they became a happy one. 

  

 -- 

  

The hotel phone costs a ridiculous amount of money for out of state calls. He's alone with Chewie in the hotel now, so he doesn't worry about anybody eavesdropping. 

"Armie Hux" he answers, and Kylo doesn't say anything for a second. "Hello?" 

"My dad is probably going to die tonight." Kylo says. His words are met with silence, and Kylo expects to be hung up on. 

"Is he ill?" Hux asks, his voice indifferent. 

"He was working freelance as a specialty car mechanic. There was an accident, a car dropped on his chest. He was impaled by a broken exhaust pipe." Kylo says, mechanically. The owner of the car had turned up at the hospital that morning, to see how he was doing. He'd been able to explain what happened in a way Chewie couldn't. He'd been the one to call 911. He'd saved Kylo's father's life. 

"That sounds terrible." Hux says. He doesn't sound like he cares, but Kylo knows just how good of an actor he is. 

"If he doesn't make it through the night, then the last thing I ever said to his face will be, 'fuck you, old man.' After that I only ever texted, emailed. I never even fucking apologized, not really. He just brushed it off because that's what he always did when I was a terrible son." Kylo isn't crying, but his breath is catching. He doesn't think he has any more tears left in his body, after the year he's had. 

"The last thing I ever said to my father was 'I'll call an ambulance.' Then I shut the door on him and left. Never did call an ambulance, didn't think he deserved honesty." Hux says. 

"What the fuck?" Kylo asks, laughing for some reason. It's not funny, not at all, but it's probably the most surprising thing Hux could have said. 

"Well, he did beat me from when I was, oh, seven. Many times, I would have died from it, if my mother hadn't stopped him in time." Hux says. "He tried to kill me, I let him die, it seems fair." 

"Fucking hell, Hux." Kylo stutters, doesn't know how to respond to that. 

"He had a heart attack while screaming about what a disappointment I was to him, even after I did everything he'd asked of me. So, I didn't really feel like calling him that ambulance." Hux sighs, and Kylo an almost hear him shrugging. 

"Do you love your mother?" Kylo asks, because he can't think of anything else to say. 

"Fiercely. I can't imagine how I would feel if something tragic were to happen to her. Probably how you feel now, so for that I am sorry." Hux says. 

"I don't have brain damage, you know." Kylo says, leaning his head back against the headboard. He looks up at the popcorn ceiling, tries to imagine what Hux looks like wherever he is. 

"Really now? So, you really were born as emotionally stunted as you are." Hux says, bitingly. It's cruel, that Hux is _trying_ to hurt him right now. It reminds Kylo that he hates this guy. 

"The only reason I don't still see a psychiatrist is because I threw a chair at the one I was assigned to." Kylo says, laughing to himself. "An armchair." 

"Anger issues?" Hux asks, like he's not surprised. 

"Always had those. I threw the chair at him because he when I told him I thought his diagnosis was incorrect, he told me I wasn't as special as I thought I was." Kylo sighs. "I didn't think I was special though, that's the problem. I didn't think I deserved to be diagnosed, to be treated. I just wanted to get my surgeries and go home." 

"And what was his diagnosis?" Hux asks, emotion creeping into his voice. He doesn't sound angry or cold anymore, and Kylo doesn't know why that makes his heart soar like it does. 

"PTSD." Kylo says. He feels his voice catch, knows it's because he's never told anyone before. It's worse than telling Poe about his physical problems. More intimate, more terrifying. 

"You felt you didn't deserve to have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" Hux scoffs. 

"Soldiers get PTSD. Kidnapping victims, people who've experienced death and torture. I crashed my fucking motorcycle." Kylo says, bringing his hand up to his left eye, covering it up. The world goes black, with just a soft fuzzy yellow along one edge where the table lamp is. 

"You're truly an insufferable idiot, do you know that? Trauma is trauma, there is no criteria." Hux sighs. "You nearly died, you live in chronic pain, and you will never be able to forget that fear and agony. You know what it feels like to face the end of your life, Kylo, of course you have PTSD." 

Kylo looks up at the ceiling for a moment, before he starts to laugh. Hux sighs on the other end, but he doesn't hang up on Kylo. Just listens to his laughter, even as it turns to practically whimpering. 

"You called me Kylo." he finally says, whispering it through a smile. 

"That is your name." Hux says. 

"You've always called me Ren, even when I was inside you." Kylo laughs again. 

"As I said, insufferable." 

  

\-- 

  

 _Han Solo, 63, has passed away following a tragic accident. Han Solo was called by many, the greatest racer of all time. With countless wins, and endless charm, Solo was beloved by everyone. Solo is survived by his wife, Senator Leia Organa, and their children, Ben Organa-Solo and Rey Organa-Solo. In_ _lue_ _of flowers, the family asks that you please donate to a charity of your choosing in Solo's name._  

  

 _\--_  

  

Kylo knows how much the producers hate him after the sex-scene fiasco, so he doesn't really expect it when he gets the email telling him he can bow out of the press junket in the wake of his family emergency. It's especially surprising since none of them know his name used to be Ben Organa-Solo. He can only assume his PA, who knew who is mother was, informed them that Kylo needed some time away. Since his parentage hasn't been leaked to the press, he can only assume Mitaka was subtle. Kylo would have to remember to thank him, and to do his best to actually be nice to him sometimes. 

"They say it like they're doing you some kind of fucking favor." Rey says, wrinkling her nose as she reads the email from Kylo's laptop, which she'd just grabbed from his hands. 

Kylo just grunts in response, blowing a smoke ring up into the air. He's lying on his back on his couch, where he's been all day. The joint he has in his hand courtesy of Poe, who has a very _particular_ brand of mourning. Kylo honestly doesn't even care about the movie right now. It seems really far away, and not just because he's high as shit. 

"Have you showered since dad's funeral?" Rey asks, plucking the joint out of his hand. He knows he should probably not let her smoke, but he figures at this point his mom was bigger worries. 

"Nope." Kylo says, popping his p. He just keeps staring at the ceiling, thinking about how he can't remember the last time he hugged his father. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo makes a fake Instagram account under his real name, because nobody will suspect that ben.s66 is him. He follows Hux, whose username is just, somehow, hux. He makes it so he can see each post fully and scrolls through the images absentmindedly. Most of the pictures are of a little orange cat, who is the strangest looking creature Kylo has ever seen. There is a black and white close up of someone's hand. Kylo doesn't think too hard about how he knows, for a fact, that it's not Hux's. There is a picture a little way down, an oddly artistic shot of Finn, that makes Kylo smile. Kylo gets to a picture of the couch he fucked Hux on, in what was his trailer, and he stops, staring at it. Wondering why, and when, Hux had taken a picture of it. An emotion he doesn't know swims around his head, and he hates himself, maybe more than he hates Hux. 

  

 

  

Kylo joins the press junket half way through. He's standing around waiting for the interviewer, trying not to think about the fact that when this interview comes out, it will be the first time anybody has seen him as himself. Of course, the trailer for the film came out as soon as the junket started. Everyone has seen only a little of his scarring though, thinks to tricky editing on the part of whoever put the trailer together. Kylo knows that they won't edit this interview like that, and everyone will see his face in all its glory. 

Hux is leaning on the wall in front of him, looking more bored than anyone Kylo has ever seen. He keeps looking at his fingernails, like he expects to see some imperfection there. Kylo knows he won't. Hux is immaculate. Kylo shuffles a bit, shaking out the leg of his too-tight pants. He's been working out to the point of hurting himself, pushing his body like he never has, since his dad died. He's bigger than he was a month ago, but it's only noticeable in a few places. His pants are straining around his thighs, his shirt stretched so thin over his chest that he knows everyone can see his nipples. 

"Ready." someone says, and Kylo stands up straight. He forces himself to look, if not happy, at least like he doesn't want to murder someone. Hux slides from his position, moves towards the chair he's motioned towards. Kylo can see how relaxed Hux is holding himself, and he knows that it's bullshit. He's been watching Hux's interviews, and he can tell that everything out of his mouth during them is crap. Kylo moves when he's told, sits awkwardly at Hux's side. He turns as much as he can, while looking natural. He used to joke about the camera getting his good side, but it's not a joke anymore, and Kylo is scowling when the interviewer steps into the room. 

"Good afternoon, gentlemen. It's so nice to see you." the says, stepping up to shake their hands. She's very good at pretending like she's not intrigued by Kylo's scars, just looks at him with a slight widening of her eyes before taking her seat across from them. There is some shuffling, adjustments of mics, and then she's looking at the camera to the side, introducing Kylo and Hux, and thanking them for coming. 

"Thank you, Gloria." Hux says, smiling in a soft way that Kylo has never seen him do before. 

"And Kylo Ren, of course I'm thrilled to see you here. Everybody has been waiting to see you join in on the promo." she says, smiling at Kylo. He can see genuine excitement in her eyes. Whether it's actually because she wants to talk to him, or she's just thinking about how many people are going to watch his first appearance post-accident. 

"Thank you. I don't seem to have very good luck, anymore." Kylo smiles, aware that the way the right side of his mouth sags a little bit is unnerving. 

"I understand you had a family emergency. I won't pry, other than to ask how you're doing?" she says, leaning towards Kylo, her face taking on a concerned quality. She's good. Kylo has been interviewed by very few people who he actually thought were good at the process, but he can tell that Gloria knows what she's doing. 

"We had a death in the family." Kylo says, being as vague as possible. "It was a lot to take in very quickly, so I had no choice but to push work back a bit. I'm fine, though, now." 

"Were you close with them?" Gloria asks. Oddly, Kylo can see Hux shift awkwardly in his seat, like this line of questioning is making him uncomfortable. 

"Not particularly." Kylo says, hating the way that it doesn't feel like a lie. "He was close with my mother. Mostly I was just trying to be there for her." 

"Well my condolences are with you, and your mother." Gloria says, leaning back with a smile. 

"Thank you, she'll appreciate that." Kylo says, knowing that his mom couldn't give less of a shit about condolences. Just last week she'd thrown a muffin at someone's head when they'd tried to talk to her after she'd received her third basket of sorry-for-you-loss baked goods. 

"I'm sure you're anxious about this film, too. Quite a departure from your usual work, playing a romantic lead." Gloria says, smooth as silk. Good transition, nice way of talking around his disfiguration. 

"It was surprisingly not that different from most of my roles." Kylo shrugs. "A guy who does some stupid things, gets caught up in a life of crime, does whatever he can to protect the people he loves."  

"What was it like, though, playing such an emotionally vulnerable character?  You're famous for playing very tough guys, and of course villains, without a lot of emotional depth." she says. 

"I disagree." Hux says, cutting in before Kylo can answer. "I mean, the character of Deathstroke was fueled by the murder of his wife and children. Kylo played him with an _intense_ emotional vulnerability, that's what made it such a wonderful performance." 

"That and the body suit." Kylo says, smirking at Hux. He doesn't get anything other than a lifted eyebrow in return from Hux, but Gloria chuckles. 

"Well how about you, Armie? What was it like playing an American thug?" Gloria asks, turning her body a little bit more towards Hux, pointing her crossed legs at him as she addresses him. 

"I think that oversimplifies Dom's character, really. American he may be, I wouldn't call him a thug." Hux says. 

"More like a kingpin." Kylo says, nodding at Hux. 

"Something like that. He's a smart man, very organized. He's powerful." Hux says, reaching up to scratch at his chin. There is stubble there, Kylo had noticed. It threatens a beard, and Kylo tries not to find it extremely sexy. 

"Can you tell me a little bit about the relationship between your characters?" Gloria asks. She shifts her body again, opening her posture up to them both. Kylo thinks she might be a better actor than either of them is. 

"He only wants me for my body." Kylo says, shrugging his shoulders. Hux lets out a bark of laughter at that. 

"You think he's joking but it's pretty much true. Dom see's Adam as a tool, a weapon he can control. He doesn't really think of Adam as a person, just someone who can punch things really hard." Hux says, smiling at Kylo. This smile, Kylo knows. It's hesitant, and _real_. 

"How does Dom feel about Adam falling in love?" Gloria asks. 

"Uh," Kylo starts, furrowing his brow at Hux. "That's answered in the film, really well. Dom's actions are pretty clearly motivated." 

"Dom only cares about himself, so something only matters if it affects him." Hux shrugs. 

"Great guy, wonderful boss." Kylo says, reaching out to tap Hux on the shoulder. He regrets it instantly. He fumbles a little, touching Hux in a way he's trying to make look casual, natural. It's really not, though. The last time he'd touched Hux had been when they'd fucked in his trailer. 

"He throws a nice office party, he does." Hux says. He doesn't respond to Kylo's touch at all, doesn't even look at him. 

"I'm sure." Goria says. "Now, I have a game I think we should play."  

"Really, now?" Hu asks, and Kylo can tell by the way his foot taps that he hates that idea. Hux, as far as Kylo can tell, hates doing anything in interviews besides talking. He doesn't do talk shows anymore for that reason, because they always seem to want to make him do something silly. Kylo understands the appeal. Hux is very buttoned up, very proper and perfect. Getting him to do something a little laid back is tempting. 

"Would you rather, classic." Gloria says, adjusting herself again. she uncrosses her legs, plants both feet on the floor. "All the question are based on you guys, though." she says. She glances, for a split second, at Kylo's face. He gets what she's doing, then, and for a second, he loves her a little bit. She can tell that Kylo doesn't want to be here, so she's making it light. Making it not so scary by playing a stupid slumber party game. Kylo had been terrified of his first interview, sure that he'd just questioned about his face, his accident, the rumors from the set. She hadn't even pried into which family member had died though. After Kylo gave her a few evasive answers, she took the measure of him, and chose to cut him some slack. Kylo wishes every journalist was like her. 

"The answer is me." Kylo says, smiling at her. It's real, too, which surprises even him. 

"I haven't asked any questions yet." Gloria laughs. 

"Yeah but I'm the obvious choice, always." Kylo says, shrugging. 

"To some questions, I'd agree. I'd much rather you have to fight a bear than me, for example." Hux says, smirking so he looks like he's joking. 

"You wouldn't even protect me from a bear? I'm crushed." Kylo says, putting a hand on his heart and pouting at Hux. 

"You're larger than most bears, you'll be fine." Hux says, rolling his eyes as Kylo theatrics. 

"I am also much bigger than you so, I'll just knock you over and run from the bear." Kylo shrugs. 

"You see what I have to deal with?" Hux asks Gloria, gesturing at Kylo, even as he's smiling. 

"You're stalling, Armie." Kylo says, slapping Hux's hands away. "Let's play the game." 

Kylo smiles at Hux, who smiles back. For a second, Kylo forgets that he hates him. 

  

\-- 

  

 **Rainbow 12:36PM** : YOUR FACE IS IN TIMES SQUARE! 

 **Rainbow 12:37PM** : your ugly mug is like ten stories tall ont he side of this building 

 **Rainbow 12:37PM** : i am torn between being proud of you and being creeped out 

 **Rainbow 12:38PM** : like really who designed the movie poster? you liik creepy af  

 **Rainbow 12:38PM** : it looks like a horror poster 

 **Rainbow 1:46PM** : mom just yelled at me for making fun of our fce, saying it's a horrible thing to do 

 **Outgoing 1:57PM** : id rather u make fun lik u hav all r lives than treat me like a baby 

 **Rainbow 1:57PM** : good. 

 **Outgoing 1:58PM** : plus i dnt think any1 is more horrified to c my face that big than i am 

  

 

  

Kylo's not surprised when the interviews stop being nice. It's only the third one in, and he has no idea what he's expected to say, here. Luckily, he doesn't have to say anything. 

"Are you kidding?" Finn asks, suddenly not so sugar coated. He sounds angrier than Kylo feels. "You didn't really just ask him that." Finn leans forward in his chair, looks like he's trying to remind the interviewer how muscular he is under the baby blue sweater he's wearing. 

"I didn't mean to offend you, Mr. Ren." the guy says, eyes shifting between KYlo and Finn. 

"How was he not supposed to get offended? _I'm_ offended!" Finn says, standing up, now. The interviewer looks up at him warily, and Kylo tugs at his sleeve to get him to sit back down. 

"Finn." Kylo says, tugging again. Finn sits, but he's still seething. Kylo feels his cheeks flush, equally honored and embarrassed that Finn would defend him like this.  

"It's just, his appearance has always been," the guy starts, but Finn cuts him off. 

"Would you ask a soldier that?" Finn snaps. "A victim of an assault? _Any_ other person who had been in a traumatic accident? What is wrong with you?" Finn asks, but everyone in the room knows he doesn't actually want an answer. 

"I'm sorry, Mr. Stroper." the interviewer says, curling in on himself in his chair. Finn seems to run out of steam then, just furrowing his brow at the guy. 

"In any case, no. I'm not worried about whether or not people will still find me attractive. I never worried about it in the first place, people can think whatever they want." Kylo says, shrugging. 

He's only half telling the truth, though. As far as the greater masses were concerned, he didn't give a shit. It was only the people he held close to his heart that he hoped still thought he was as good looking as he ever had been.  

Hux still thought he was pretty. 

  

\-- 

  

ring. 

ring. 

ring. 

click. 

" _If you want money, you've got the wrong number._ " 

beep. 

"Hey, dad. I, uh. Fuck, this is stupid." silence. "Look I, I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. I really did always love you. Which, ha, you probably wouldn't have believed when I was a teenager but, yeah. I did. I do. And I'm really sorry. I miss you, dad, I," 

beep. 

 _"Press one to send your message. Press two to listen to your message. Press three to rerecord your message. Press star to cancel sending your message._ " 

beep. 

" _Message canceled_." 

  

\-- 

  

Hux is, no surprise, the most beautiful person here. He has a full beard now, trimmed and nice looking. His hair is loose, hanging down to nearly touch the side of his mouth. Kylo isn't sure what he's wearing, because he keeps looking at his eyes, the way they seem to fucking sparkle or some dumbass shit like that. He's breathtaking, and Kylo is having a truly hard time concentrating. 

"You and Finn will have to pose for a few shots, whether you like it or not. " Mitaka is saying, not looking up from the phone in his hand to whisper hurriedly to Kylo. "You have to walk at least the first ten feet of the carpet, the part without reporters. And you really, really have to stop staring at Hux and listen to me." 

"What?" Kylo nearly jumps, turning away from Hux to look at Mitaka. The look on his PA's face tells Kylo that Mitaka isn't afraid of him anymore. 

"This is work, Kylo. Part of your job. You have to do the bare minimum and not look like you want to murder someone." Mitaka says, frowning at something on Kylo's shirt. 

"I know that. I already said I'd do what you want." Kylo says, hunching in on himself in embarrassment. Mitaka can't be the only one who had noticed him staring. 

"Yes, you will." Mitaka reaches up and tugs at Kylo's lapel, which was apparently crooked. 

  

\-- 

  

 _Kylo_ _Ren makes his first public_ _appearance_ _at the Sweet Creature premiere in Los Angeles. The actor looked every bit as handsome as always, in a velvet suit, hair pulled back at the nape of his neck, and, of course, no smile to be seen anywhere. He seemed to be in good spirits, for_ _Kylo_ _Ren. He didn't give any_ _interviews_ _, but he and his co-star Finn_ _Stroper_ _posed together, looking handsome together! We can't wait to see the two lock-lips in their romantic drama, an interesting pair, for sure! We're happy to see_ _Kylo_ _Ren out and about again, and we hope to see more of him soon. And is it just us, or does the scarring actually make our bad boy even sexier than ever? Whatever the case,_ _Kylo_ _Ren has stepped back into the spotlight more beloved than ever, and we couldn't be happier._  

Related articles: 

 _Finn_ _Stroper's_ _premiere date, daughter of late_ _Nascar_ _driver Han Solo. New friends, or something more?_  

 _Armitage Hux signs on for new film, a war thriller from director_ _Temmin_ _Wexley_ _._  

 _Poe_ _Dameron_ _and_ _Kylo_ _Ren, more than just pals?_  

  

 _\--_  

  

 **Outgoing 11:33PM** : can i c u 

 **Outgoing 11:34PM** : pls? 

 **Outgoing 11:35PM** : i know mitaka gav u my adress. 

 **Outgoing 11:35PM** : i wanna c u 

 **Hux 11:36PM** : Why? It's not as if we're friends or anything. 

 **Outgoing 11:37PM** : smartass 

 **Outgoing 11:38PM** : do u wnt me 2 apologize 4 tht? 

 **Outgoing 11:39PM** : cuz we rnt. i sed the truth. 

 **Outgoing 11:41PM** : srsly? i thot we were cool. 

 **Hux 11:41PM** : For the love of all that is holy, can you form even a single complete sentence? 

 **Outgoing 11:42PM** : Can I see you, even though we aren't friends, so that I can fuck you the way I know you love? 

 **Hux 11:45PM** : Much better. 

 **Hux 11:45PM** : I'll be there in an hour. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo watches Hux, through the bathroom door, as he wipes his chest down with a washcloth. There is something unnerving about having Hux in his home. It isn't because he doesn't feel like he belongs, but rather, he feels like he _does_. 

"My god, you truly are a beast." Hux says, leaning over the counter to examine his neck in the mirror. "You do realize I have a movie to film, yes?" 

"Not my problem," Kylo mumbles, settling further into his pillows, as comfortable as a man can get. 

Hux doesn't say anything else, just slips back into the bedroom and casts about for his clothes. Kylo thinks he should probably help, since he had been the one to wildly throw Hux's things around the room. He doesn't feel like getting up, though. He enjoys watching Hux wander about in the nude, body still flushed, sweat still clinging to his hairline.  

"You could stay." Kylo says, before he thinks better of it. 

"Don't be ridiculous." Hux snorts, leaning down to grab one of his socks from under the sideboard.  

"It's two in the morning, just stay." Kylo says, gentler than he means to. He lets his eyes slip shut so he doesn't have to see the searching way Hux is staring at him.  

Hux doesn't say anything, just keeps shuffling around the room. Kylo hears him pad out of the bedroom, his bare feet loud on the wood floors. Kylo has a brief moment to hope Rey doesn't come home in time to see Hux searching around the living room for his trousers. The next second, he hears his bedroom door click shut, and he opens his eyes to see Hux, in his boxers, slide into bed next to him.  

Kylo, very pointedly, doesn't smile. 

  

\-- 

  

  

 **To** : [kylo.ren@fomanagement.co](mailto:kylo.ren@fomanagement.co) 

 **From** : [d.mitaka@outlook.co.uk](mailto:d.mitaka@outlook.co.uk) 

 **Subject** : RE:RE:RE:yo mitaka y u not doing this?!   

As I said in my previous email, you can't be in two places at once and I can't help that.   

I appreciate that you've hired me to be your personal assistant on a more permanent basis, but really, sir, I have to ask that you not try your hardest to put me in an early grave. 

Again, I can't book you a flight for London while also handling your previous engagements AND get you booked for Poe Dameron's video shoot.  

Please, if you need to go to London, do not scream about it, and let me book you a flight for NEXT month. 

Otherwise, plan your own booty call. 

  

\-- 

  

 **To** : [d.mitaka@outlook.co.uk](mailto:d.mitaka@outlook.co.uk) 

 **From** : [kylo.ren@fomanagement.co](mailto:kylo.ren@fomanagement.co) 

 **Subject** : RE:RE:RE:RE:yo mitaka y u not doing this?! 

  

FUCK YOU! 

pls fit the london trip into my schedule asap thank u. u da best. 

  

\-- 

  

 _Friends at last, or maybe just cohorts?_ _Kylo_ _Ren and_ _Armi_ _e_ _Hux were spotted out and about together in London, in the middle of the night. Sadly, due to the restrictions set out by Ren's lawyers, we can't share pictures of the co-stars lurking around, but we CAN tell you that the two of them looked mightily like they had a secret. We all know that_ _Kylo_ _Ren has struggled with the law, and that rumors of Armitage Hux's cocaine addiction have been flying for years. What could these two bad boys have been up to, that they needed to sneak around London in the wee hours? After the passing of_ _Brendol_ _Hux,_ _Armi_ _e_ _seemed to have lost himself to a world of drugs and debauchery. Now that_ _Kylo_ _Ren, New York's favorite criminal, is hanging around with him, we suspect that Armitage is about to fall on even tougher times._  

  

\-- 

  

   
Dear Mr. Gallagher ATTN The Sun: 

  
This law firm represents KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX. If you are represented by legal counsel, please direct this letter to your attorney immediately and have your attorney notify us of such representation. 

You are hereby directed to   
CEASE AND DESIST ALL DEFAMATION OF   
KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX’S CHARACTER AND REPUTATION.    
KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX are respected professionals in the community. They have spent years serving the community in their profession and building a positive reputation. KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX have learned that you have engaged in spreading false, destructive, and defamatory rumors about them. 

It is unlawful to engage in defamation of another’s character and reputation. Defamation consists of   
(1) a statement that tends to injure reputation;   
(2) communicated to another; and   
(3) that the speaker knew or should have known was false. 

Your defamatory statements involved the implication that KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX were participating in drug use, unlawfulness, disreputable behavior, and suggesting that one or both of them are of a poor character.    
Accordingly, we demand that you (A) immediately cease and desist your unlawful defamation of KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX and (B) provide us with prompt written assurance within ten (10) days that you will cease and desist from further defamation of KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX’s character and reputation. 

If you do not comply with this cease and desist demand within this time period, KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX are entitled to seek monetary damages and equitable relief for your defamation. You have once before failed to comply to a CEASE AND DESIST by order of ARMITAGE HUX and were, subsequently, charged with DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER. As such, please be advised that KYLO REN and ARMITAGE HUX have asked us to communicate to you that they will pursue all available legal remedies, including seeking monetary damages, injunctive relief, and an order that you pay court costs and attorney’s fees. Your liability and exposure under such legal action could be considerable. 

Before taking these steps, however, my client wished to give you one opportunity to discontinue your illegal conduct by complying with this demand within ten (10) days. Accordingly, please sign and return the attached Defamation Settlement Agreement within ten (10) days to Rook & Andor LLP, Attorneys at Law 

   
I recommend that you consult with an attorney regarding this matter. If you or your attorney have any questions, please contact me directly.

   
Sincerely, 

Cassian Andor. 

  

\-- 

  

Kylo laughs, and tries to ignore the way Hux glares at him for it.  

"You have to admit, this is new and exciting." Kylo says, waving the magazine in Hux's face. They're sitting on Kylo's living room couch, Kylo's arm around Hux's shoulders. Poe, Rey, and a short woman Kylo doesn't recognize are yelling playfully at each other in the kitchen, but Kylo isn't paying them much attention. He hasn't seen Hux since he'd visited him in London a few weeks ago, and he finds himself, as always, distracted by how beautiful he is. 

"How many times do I have to sue people before they stop lying about me." Hux sighs, dropping his head into Kylo's shoulder. This is new, this comfortable affection. Kylo doesn't think he's ever felt as okay with someone touching him for no reason. Maybe Poe, but that was just from familiarity, and their mothers washing them in the same bathtub when they were kids. Hux is different, somehow. 

"I personally like the idea of me corrupting you." Kylo laughs, leaning in to rest his forehead on the top of Hux's head.  

"I think they give you far too much credit. You're a drama queen, not a _bad boy_. If anyone is corrupting anyone, it'd be me teaching you how to misbehave like an adult, rather than a naughty schoolboy." Hux huffs. 

"Oh man, I love it when you talk dirty." Kylo says, kissing Hux's temple. For no reason. _None_ of this has any reason, and Kylo is finding that he doesn't really care. 

"Are you two gonna like, fuck in the middle of the living room?" Poe asks, suddenly leaning over the couch on Kylo's other side. "Not that I'd mind the show, but I think your sister might have some objections." 

"You are repulsive, Dameron." Hux scoffs, pulling out of Kylo's grasp.  

"You're one to talk, Hugs." Poe says, smiling a little too wide. Kylo has only seen Hux and Poe interact maybe three times, and he has yet to figure out if they're joking, or if they actually hate each other. If they hate each other, it's certainly not in the way Kylo and Hux hate each other. Or the way Kylo hates Poe. Kylo wonders, suddenly, if he knows anybody, besides his mother, who he _doesn't_ hate. At least a little. 

"You gonna come with us to Poe's show tonight, or are you staying here to have marathon reunion sex with your boyfriend?" Rey yells from the kitchen. 

"Not my boyfriend." Kylo says. 

"Reunion sex with his boyfriend." Hux says, at the same time. 

"Why not do both?" Poe says, a second later. 

"Wait, what?" Kylo says, a second after that. 

"You are truly the most insufferable beast I have ever met." Hux says. 

"I'm gonna write a song about this very moment." Poe says. 

"Shut up, Poe." Kylo and Hux say, together. 

  

\-- 

  

"Of course I'm aware that I'm not your boyfriend, Kylo." Hux says, sounding bored. 

"Okay." Kylo says, not pausing in his pushups. Sometimes he works out when he's anxious. It's more productive than punching the walls. 

"It was a joke, Kylo. Clearly, since we are not currently having sex, and you don't seem to have missed me at all." Hux says. There is weight on Kylo's back, suddenly, small and forceful. Hux is stepping on him, pushing his body down as he tries to push himself up. It makes his arms strain twice as hard, and he starts to sweat. 

"That's not the point." Kylo says, gritting his teeth when Hux applies more pressure, seeming to want to pin Kylo's body to the ground. 

"Then what is the point?" Hux asks, lazily. 

"I don't know." Kylo snaps. He let's himself drop to the floor, rolling over quickly enough that he catches Hux off guard. He grab's Hux's leg before he can move it though, wrapping his fingers around the man's calf.  

He really _doesn't_ know. Doesn't know how to put into words the weird angry, anxious, hopeful, repulsed feeling that had washed through him at the idea of Hux being his boyfriend. He's never actually had a boyfriend, not really. He's never liked anyone enough, never wanted anybody to stick around. He _had_ missed Hux, though. He'd nearly driven Mitaka to heart attack, working his schedule around being able to see Hux. The first night he'd been in London, he hadn't even fucked Hux. Hux had shown him happily to his favorite restaurant, where they talked about practically nothing at all, and then Kylo had fallen asleep in Hux's bed, fully clothed, with Hux's weird looking little cat pawing at his face. He realizes, belatedly, that that first night in London, was the best one. All the nights followed, the ones where he and Hux had rushed sex before Hux had to go shoot his stupid war movie, paled in comparison. 

"You are aware, though, that we aren't friends." Hux says. He's still standing over Kylo, his foot pressing against Kylo's stomach. Kylo circles his ankle with his hand, pushes him thumb up under the hem of his pants. He brushes his fingers across his ankle bone, touches the sparse hair there. Kylo knows that the hair is almost invisible. All of the hair on Hux's body is. In the light of the early morning sun, when Hux is laying naked in bed, it appears golden. 

"No, we're not." Kylo says, looking into Hux's eyes. 

"But we are something." Hux sighs. He pulls his leg from Kylo's grasp and lowers himself onto the floor next to him. He props himself up on his elbow, hooking his leg around Kylo's knee. 

"Something." Kylo says, quietly. He turns his face, and there is only an inch between him and Hux. 

"Perhaps, Kylo Ren, we're something wholly unheard of." Hux says, whispers it against Kylo's lips. 

"The world has heard of lovers, Armitage." Kylo says, smiling. 

"Is that what I am? Your lover?" Hux asks, chuckling. This close, Kylo can see how many colors Hux's eyes are. He doesn't have names for them all. 

"What you are, Hux, is entirely up to you." Kylo says, hoping that Hux will understand him. Will understand the question. Will understand that Kylo wants Hux, in whatever way Hux will give him. 

"Well then." Hux sighs. "I guess you'll have to help me make up my mind." 

  

\-- 

 

Kylo doesn't quite startle when someone sits on the side of his bed, but it does wake him up. He looks at where he's pretty sure his sister is, but he can't really see her. There is a little bit of light coming from under the door, but his eyes are only good enough to see the shape of her start to come into focus.

"What are you doing?" Kylo asks, softly.

"I miss dad." Rey whispers, and Kylo can hear that she's crying. "I've been keeping it together for mom, for you, but god, I miss him so much."

"For me?" Kylo asks, sitting up so he can reach for her. He touches her shoulder, and pulls her towards him. She lets him tug her down until she's laying next to him, on top of his blankets.

"I keep expecting you to break down, and I wanted to be there for you." Rey says, rubbing her wet cheek on his shoulder. He remembers, a long time ago, when she would come into his room after a nightmare. He would let her sleep in his bed, and he would make up stories about him being a knight, and her being the princess he was sworn to protect. Eventually, once her fear faded away, the would end up just laughing and making up more bizarre stories until one of their parents caught them awake and made Rey go back to her room to sleep. Being five years apart was just enough that Kylo fell into a protective role for her, when they were little. He truly can't remember how many times he got in trouble for jumping across the little fence that seperated the kindergarten from the older grades, so he could beat up some six year old boy who was picking on hs little sister. He'd kept that behavior up, until he was twenty, and he got arrested for attacking the boy who'd broken her heart. At which point, Rey assured him she could handle the beating up boys thing on her own.

"I'm not going to break down, Rainbow." he tells her. When they were kids, he might have brushed her hair or something in this situation. Now he just lays there, his arm around her shoulders, and lets her cry. 

"Then it's my turn." Rey sobs, burying her face into his shoulder, her tears soaking through his shirt to chill against his arm. Kylo doesn't say anything, because he doesn't know what to say. He'd lied, anyway. he's _been_ breaking down about his dad's death. He just it alone, punching the tiled walls in his shower and screaming when he knows Rey isn't home to hear him.

Because, he's still going to pretect her. Even from himself.

 

\--

 

Kylo had never given much thought to Hux meeting his mother, but if he had, it wouldn't have gone like this at all. First of all, he wouldn't have chosen for them to meet in Kylo's bedroom. More importantly, he'd have prefered Hux to have been wearing clothes, when his mother met him for the first time.

"You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend." his mom says, sipping the tea Rey had made her, looking like she doesn't have a care in the world.

"I don't." Kylo says, scowling at Rey, who is just smiling gleefully from her perch on the kitchen counter. This was, after all, Rey's fault. She hadn't known Hux was at the apartment, sure, but she should have known to at least announce her presence before leading their mom into Kylo's bedroom. It wouldn't have been so bad if Hux hadn't been giving Kylo a lap dance. It could have been worse, though. They could have come in ten minutes later, when Kylo had been planning on bending Hux over his sideboard.

"Terribly sorry, ma'am." Hux says as he comes into the kitchen.

"Oh, no worries." she says, eyeing Hux over the rim of her teacup.

"You gonna apologize to me? I'm the one who got trapped in the doorway when mom stopped, I had to see _all_ kinds of flopping about." Rey says, making a hand gesture that Kylo doesn't want to think about.

"Yes, Rey, terribly sorry." Hux scowls. "Of course, you did once ask me if I thought Finn would think the panty set you had on was sexy enough to get you laid. So I think we're equally scarred."

"You asked him what?" their mom asks, turning her gaze on Rey, who suddenly pales.

"Kylo had gone to pick up food, Armie was just sitting in the living room and I needed an opinion. It's not like I could ask Kylo!" Rey says.

"I'd like to know why you needed that opinion in the first place, dear." their mom says.

"Oh, good." Kylo snorts. "Now mom knows about everyone's sex life, wonderful."

 

\--

 

When Paper Houses comes out, everybody seems to forget that anything bad had ever been said about Armie Hux. The lawsuits finally got the message across, and all anyone said about Hux was how handsome he was, how good an actor, how he was living up to his father's name. That last part pissed Kylo off endlessly, but he figured if Hux wanted to put them straight, he'd have done it by now. Kylo is sure that Hux doesn't say anything for his mother's sake, who he loves dearly. Hux doesn't love many things, Kylo has come to learn. He loves his freaky little cat, Millicent, he loves his mom, he loves the Doncaster Rovers. 

Kylo's just hoping that Hux loves _him_ , too. Cause he realized, waking up in Hux's bed one morning after an international booty call, that he was so madly in love with Hux that it was actually a little painful.

Kylo tries not to get anxious about it, about whether or not Hux feels the same way. Poe and Rey had given him a hard time for a few seconds, before they realized how miserable he was about the whole thing. Then, they decided they needed to help, which was almost worse. All of this, was Rey's idea. Poe had a lot of ideas of his own, but they were all terrible and got shot down quickly by the Solo siblings.

So, in the end, when Hux walks into his own London apartment, it's to more rose petals and candles than Kylo thought possible. The music playing softly is, despite Kylo's protests against it, the song Poe really _had_ written about that moment all those months ago, when Hux had called himself Kylo's boyfriend as a joke. Kylo tries not to shuffle his feet, tries to look confident and sure of himself. He's probably failing, but he thinks that's okay, when he sees the open, shocked, hopeful look on Hux's face.

"Did you get the part?" Kylo asks, watching Hux drop his bag and coat unceremoniously to the ground.

"Is that really the question you have for me?" Hux asks, stepping into Kylo's space to grab at his lapels. Kylo still thought the suit was overkill, but Rey had refused to budge on it.

"Just trying to judge the mood." Kylo says, reaching out to Hux, circling his hands around his waist.

"Kylo." Hux sighs, looking up at Kylo with a gaurded kind of wonder.

"It's not so much a question, that I have, Armie." Kylo says, watching a smile try and make it's way onto Hux's face.

"No? A statement, then?" Hux asks, leaning forward to press his face against Kylo's chest. Kylo knows this move, knows that Hux only does it when he's fully lost control of his expression. Kylo doesn't allow that, though. He lifts Hux's face, gently, until their eyes meet again. Kylo knows, then, that if he was asking a question, the answer would be yes. He doesn't have a question, though, so he just says what he has to say.

"I love you."

"I know." 

 

\--

  

 _Since staring together in_ _a_ _Oscar award winning film Sweet Creature over three years ago,_ _Kylo_ _Ren and Armitage Hux have been the buzz of the pop culture world. And now, things are about to get even more buzz worthy, as Poe_ _Dameron_ _confirms (_ _criptically_ _), via his popular_ _instagram_ _page, that the two are, officially, engaged._  

  

 


End file.
